Jamerican Muslimah: Talking It Plain

I'M MOVING

2008-04-14T09:00:00.001-07:00

My days at blogger have come to an end. All old entries are available at the new blog address.

Please visit the new blog HERE

Murdered Pregnant Women: The Racial Divide

2008-04-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

April 11, 2008
(CBS) By CBSNews.com's Lindsay Goldwert

When Laci Peterson became the symbol of maternal homicide in the mass media and in the law books (the Violence Against Unborn Children Act is also known as the Laci and Connor's Law), it put a white face on the horrendous crime of maternal homicide. In reality, that face is actually young, and often, black.

Reality has been further complicated lately with two more high-profile cases of white pregnant women being killed by their boyfriends: Maria Lauterbach, a pregnant Marine whose body was found alongside her fetus' charred remains; and the guilty verdict against Bobby Cutts, a former Ohio police officer convicted of killing his pregnant girlfriend and disposing of her body in the woods. Both stories dominated the airwaves earlier this year.

Lauterbach's accused killer, also a Marine, was captured Thursday in Mexico after a three-month manhunt.

Left behind in much of the media attention is a slew of similar cases involving black women.

On June 13, 2007 Dawna Denise Wright was at her job, managing the office of a San Diego neurologist. At 2 p.m., a man came to her office bearing a bouquet of roses. "Are these for me?" she reportedly said, surprised. The man took out a gun and shot her.

Her killer was her on-and-off boyfriend, Roger McDowell, who was also the father of her 8-year-old daughter. An hour later, he confessed to the police but plead not guilty to murder charges.

Wright was three months pregnant with McDowell's child.

On Sept. 8, 2007 in Louisa, Va., Irwin Fountain, 28, was found guilty of shooting his 18-year-old girlfriend, Shantay Latrice Wheeler, 18, to death and dumping her body. Fountain, who was married at the time of the murder, had given Wheeler money for an abortion and became infuriated when he discovered that she was 8 ½-months pregnant. Her body was found in a field five months later with multiple gunshot wounds.

On February 7, 2007, Adrian Estrada, a 23-year-old San Antonio youth pastor received the death penalty for choking and stabbing 17-year-old Stephanie Sanchez to death and leaving her to bleed to death on her kitchen floor. Prosecutors said he was angry because the teenager, who told him she had been in love with him, had become pregnant with his child.

Cases of maternal homicide involving minority women are underreported and underpublicized.

According to the CDC, black women have a maternal homicide risk about seven times that of white women. Black women ages 25-29 are about 11 times more likely as white women in that age group to be murdered while pregnant or in the year after childbirth.

Experts say that a fear and mistrust of the police may lead to black women keeping silent about their suffering.

These women may be afraid that by calling the police, they may be endangering their partner.

"An abused wife or girlfriend may be hesitant to call 911 for fear that he'll be treated violently or even killed by the police," says Theryn Kigvamasud'Vashti, co-director of Communities Against Rape and Abuse in Seattle.

Mandatory arrest laws used in some states require police to make an arrest during any domestic dispute call. And if the batterer presents the situation to make it look like the wife is the initiator of the violence, she could be the one arrested. If she has children, she may fear losing them to social services.

The Bush administration's welfare reform policies spent $300 million on programs to encourage marriage among low-income couples. These programs have indirectly impacted violence in the black community, says Kigvamasud'Vasht. "That money would have been better spent on education for these women so that they could support themselves without their abusive partner."

Young Moms: A Means Of Control

According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 324,000 women each year experience intimate partner violence during their pregnancy. Of these women, 30 percent say the first incident occurs during pregnancy. If a woman is in an abusive or controlling relationship, a pregnancy can make a relationship all the more volatile.

"The woman is more vulnerable to abuse during a pregnancy," says Katherine Von Wormer, professor of social work at the University of Northern Iowa. "She is less likely to be interested in sex. And it may be a time of high stress, economically and otherwise."

The CDC estimates that 4-8 percent of pregnant women in the U.S. are abused by an intimate partner.

For men who want to be "in control" of a relationship, an unwanted pregnancy can lead to anger and violence.

Then there are abusers who use pregnancy as a means to control their girlfriends, to keep them in a vulnerable and dependent condition.

A recent, disturbing study of 61 poor teenaged Boston-area girls of various ethnic backgrounds in abusive relationships published in the journal Ambulatory Pediatrics revealed that 26 percent had reported that their partners were actively trying to get them pregnant against their will. The girls reported that their partners manipulated their birth control or told them that they wanted them to become pregnant.

"You think of forced sex as an aspect of abusive relationships, but this takes that abuse a step further to reproductive control of a young woman's body," said study co-author and pediatrician Elizabeth Miller, M.D.

While a pregnant woman who is older might have the financial resources or support network to seek help, a younger woman may not.

“A young woman who is poor, underage and may be receiving welfare may be less likely to leave an abusive relationship,” says Eboni Colbert, co-director of Communities Against Rape and Abuse. “She may be a ward of the state, she may have no legal guardian. A young woman like that has fewer resources than a woman in her twenties or thirties.”

source

Me and The Mosque

2008-04-09T09:15:00.001-07:00

In case some of you have never seen it, filmmaker Zarqa Nawaz, creator of the Canadian sitcom "Little Mosque on the Prairie", did a documentary on Muslim women and the mosque. Enjoy!

Muslim Male Privilege Checklist

2008-04-06T15:36:00.000-07:00

In the spirit of B. Deutsch's The Male Privilege Checklist and Peggy McIntosh's White: Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Knapsack, I decided to create a Muslim Male Privilege Checklist. I realize these kinds of lists usually come from benefactor of privilege and not those who are disadvantaged by it. But I had to do it. Insha'allah I will keep adding to the list as I think about things.

Keep in mind I have written it from a perspective of a Muslim man...

As a Muslim man:

1. I can set foot in any masjid I like. No one will stop me at the door and tell me that I am not allowed in the masjid.

2. When I attend Jumah prayer I know that I will have full access to the main prayer hall. I can enter through the front door and I am not required to sit behind a partition, one-way mirror or placed in a separate room. Also, I can see and hear the Imam when he is giving the kutbah (sermon). I do not have to worry about a speaker or closed-circuit system malfunctioning thereby preventing me from hearing the kutbah or seeing the Imam.

3. My voice is not interpreted as being a part of my awrah (parts of the body that are not meant to be exposed in public.) I can stand up and speak freely in an Islamic gathering. I can ask questions or challenge statements made by the imam or visiting speaker without worrying that my actions will be viewed as inappropriate. I am not told that I must write any questions I have onto a piece of paper.

4. I can use my position as a sheikh, scholar or imam to perpetuate my own sexist, misogynistic beliefs as long as I incorporate those beliefs into my interpretation of the Quran and the Sunnah. When others challenge me about my beliefs I can use my Islamic education, command of the Arabic language and position in the community to effectively silence them. If the dissenters are women, I can always make them seem crazy, emotional or neurotic. I can also accuse them of being influenced by the West, Western secularism, Feminism or “the Kufaar.”

5. If I do not dress in accordance with Islamic guidelines, for the most part, I am left alone by Muslims of both genders. Few people will approach me and inquire about the way in which I am dressed. I will not be written off as a “bad Muslim” nor will my dress code be used as an excuse to prevent me from attending the masjid or other Islamic functions.

6. Interpretations of Quran and Ahadith, fatwas, kutbahs, and Islamic books are often biased in favor of my gender. The body of scholarship produced by members of my gender is available and accessible to all. Their texts, legal opinions and names have not been ignored or virtually erased from Islamic history.

7. When I read a book about marriage, my rights and responsibilities or gender dynamics in Islam, the author is almost always the same gender as me. It is the same when I wish to contact a scholar in regards to any questions I might have.

8. If I have problems in my marriage I can go to an Imam for counseling services and I don’t have to be concerned about sexism or his “traditional” views of women.

9. If I become visibly upset during a marriage counseling session, I am not told that I am too emotional and therefore incapable of thinking logically or making major decisions about my marriage. On the contrary, any decisions I make are presumed to be well thought-out.

10. If I wish to end my marriage, my decision is not scrutinized by an imam or other members of the Muslim community. It is respected as the final one. I am not denied a divorce or told to make tremendous personal sacrifices in order to remain in the marriage.

11. When I convert to Islam, if I have the means (or the financial support of others), I can travel aboard to predominately Muslim countries in order to seek Islamic knowledge. I can be sure that my gender will not be a hindrance any way. At the same time, no one will ever tell me that I must wait until I am married in order to begin my travels.

12. I can stand up for the rights Allah has given me or challenge interpretations of those rights without people associating me with secularist Muslim movements.

13. If I cannot have children or suffer from a condition that interferes with my ability to have sexual intercourse I do not have to worry about my wife taking a second husband. Even if/when she decides to divorce me I can be sure that an imam or other community members will ask her to reconsider her decision.

14. If I am struggling with the temptation to fornicate, I know that I can discuss my predicament with an Imam or other Muslim men without fear that they will think I’m lewd or promiscuous.

15. I am not a visible representative of Islam. When I interact with non-Muslim colleagues, co-workers and members of the general public they may not necessarily know that I am a Muslim. Unless I make my religion/ethnicity known, I am not subjected to a barrage of questions about Islam, Muslims and my gender’s status in the religion. (The exception here would be Muslim men who don a thobe, turban, and wear a lengthy beard. Also, brothers who clearly appear to be Indian/Pakistani or Arab in the eyes of the public).

16. When a visiting scholar/imam comes to the masjid, by virtue of the seating arrangements (men in the front, no partition between the speaker and the men), I am able to speak with him face-to-face. I do not have to worry about crossing into "the women's space" in order to ask a question or to make a comment.

Pissed Off Woman Playlist

2008-04-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

After reading The Black Snobs post and finally realizing that I’m not alone in my love of "pissed-off-woman" or "a-woman-done-wrong" songs, I thought it would only be right for me to share my play list. (Yes, I actually have one on my mp3 player). So if you’re a woman scorned (or enjoy conjuring up your ‘inner scorn’) then I think you’ll love this one. Yep!

Beyonce "Resentment"
Shelly Thunda "Kuff"
Rihanna "Questions Exisiting"
Fantasia "I Feel Beautiful"
Lady Saw "A Just di Wuk"
Macy Gray "Okay"
Amy Winehouse "Stronger than Me"
MC Lyte "Paper Thin"
Alison Hinds "Good Morning"
Lily Allen "Smile"
Crissy D "Big Timers"
Kelly Rowland "Like This"
Keyshia Cole feat Missy Elliott and Lil Kim "Let Go"
Tanya Stephens "Can't Touch Me No More"
Kelly Clarkson "Since You've Been Gone"
Sade "Every Word"
Lady G "Run Him"
Mary J. Blige "Enough Cryin'"
Sanelle Dempster "Sucker"
Cecile "No Love Tonight"
Kelis "Caught Out There"
Macka Diamond "Tek Bun"
Janet Jackson feat Missy Elliott and P.Diddy "Son of a Gun"
Ivy Queen "Que Lloren"
Ciara "My Love"
Lady Saw feat Cecile "Loser"

Yes, She Did (a poem)

2008-04-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

I invoke the strength of those who did what they had to do
Who saw no other way but up
Who sacrificed and struggled against tremendous odds
They were hopeful
The fact that they were Black
And Women
Black, Poor, Women
Didn’t stop them from trying
From moving forward
It didn’t defer their dreams in any way
They moved ahead
Let the bigotry
The sexism
Roll right off their back
Kept their heads down
Kept plowing through the muck
And did it with so much class
That Black Woman style
Yes, miss lady I’ve got a piece of that resilience tucked behind these shy eyes
And while they’re mistaking my silence for weakness
I’m moving in for the kill
They’re left with their mouths hanging open
Thinking, what just happened here?
Did she just…
And I’m nodding yes.
Yes, she did.

©2008 JAMuslimah

Party over here! (The tune I'm groovin' to)

2008-04-02T16:20:00.001-07:00

"He crazy, I know what ya thinkin/Ribena I know what you're drinkin/Rap singer. Chain Blinger. Holla at the next chick soon as you're blinkin." LOL!!!

What is "normal?"

2008-04-01T10:55:00.000-07:00

Scenario 1: Not long ago I was complaining to a family member about people (namely non-Muslims) seeing me in hijab and automatically assuming I'm from another country. I wanted to know why African-Americans, who are very much aware of the existence of African-American Muslims would assume the same thing. We discussed my facial features, the influx of East African Muslim population to our city, and the media's depiction of Muslims as foreign. In the end, my family member concluded that I did not dress like a "normal" American so people (rightfully) assumed I was from "over there."

Scenario 2: In the Muslim community, there are practices which some people consider "the Islamic norm." Certain people have claimed authority when it comes to Islam and the interpretation of Islamic principles. Sometimes the authority is proclaimed by virtue of the person's family lineage (alleged kinship to the Prophet Muhammad, s.a.w.), the place where they were educated (Al-Azhar or The Islamic University of Madinah for instance), or sometimes by virtue of their being from a predominately Muslim country. Often, the person's cultural norms, beliefs and practices are thinly disguised as being Islamic in nature. Therefore, it's "normal" or "natural" that certain people should become the imam, sit on the masjid board, posit themselves as a state's Islamic authority, or claim to speak on behalf of the Muslim community. When the excluded disagree we are accused of trying to divide the ummah or "imitating the kufaar." All we essentially need to do is fall in line. We need to go with the established Islamic norm.

I am currently reading a very insightful book written by Peter Gottschalk and Gabriel Greenberg called, Islamophobia: Making Muslims the Enemy. I came across two very valuable quotes which I thought I'd share in relation to the two scenarios posted above.

Norms reflect the privilege of being taken as the standard of the everyday, and those who establish this standard of normality are able to do so because they have more power than other groups. Again, many may exercise that power and privilege without recognizing it as such because norms often operate invisible to those fortunate enough to find themselves comfortably within their bounds (pg. 64-65.)

Norms are often so pervasive in a community or society that they are not explicitly taught but rather implicitly transmitted from generation to generation. The passing comment of a mother about "those people" or the wrinkled nose of an uncle's disapproval at the sight of "one of them" represent but one more stone in the foundation of norms by which a child increasingly engages the world. Although those who do not fit the norm are more likely conscious of these expectations, many of them will likely internalize the norm and may even disparage themselves for not "living up" to it (pg. 91.)

The rhetorical question remains: What is normal? Who gets to define it? Who is placed outside of the norm and why?

[Black] West Indian and African-American Tension: My Two Cents

2008-03-28T08:55:00.000-07:00

Lately, I’ve been thinking about the tension that exists between Black West Indian immigrants and African-Americans. I started thinking about this subject after reading Moving Back to Jamaica’s blog and finding myself in a heated debate with a fellow Jamaican on a message board. As a Jamerican, I feel like I'm the rope in a game of tug-o-war. I’ve always argued that African-Americans and West Indians have far more in common than some people like to acknowledge or admit. Yes, there are differences in culture, language, and sometimes in perspective but in the end we’re both Black people coming from a legacy of slavery. In America we are both affected by the sting of racism.

Caught in the Middle
When I was younger, being Jamaican/West Indian was not considered exotic or beautiful. To be Jamaican invoked images of a very dark-skinned person with dreads who smoked ganja incessantly, listened to nothing but reggae music and spoke with a “funny accent.” People (more pointedly, African-Americans) would ask me if Jamaicans lived in trees and wore grass skirts. I remember being called a “West Indian monkey” or “coconut.” People cracked jokes about my family members having three jobs (courtesy of the ‘In Living Color’ skits.) In fact, I was told that we came over here and took jobs from the African-Americans who needed them. To add insult to the injury, we behaved as if we were better than other Black people. (A friend of my family actually went into a rage when we were discussing the subject. He eventually told me to ‘go back to where I come from.’) I can’t count the amount of times I’ve listened to African-American women characterize Jamaican and other West Indian men as crazy, abusive, possessive and backwards. Similarly, I’ve heard African-American men say that Jamaican and other West Indian women are psycho, lustful, and the type you need to keep your eye on since they (we) practice voodoo.

By the same token, some of the Jamaican/West Indian family and friends I was around had their own thoughts. I was told that African-Americans were criminals. You had to be careful when around “them.” Rather than work hard and invest in their (our) communities, they (we) were content to live on welfare. They (we) blamed racism for their condition when it was clear all they really needed to do was sacrifice and work hard for what they wanted. Pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Some of us had come here with nothing but we were making a living, why couldn’t they? I was warned away from African-American men who would surely impregnate me and run away, leaving me with a baby to care for on my own.

Passing: My Identity Crisis
Despite the negative images of African-Americans I was given by other West Indians, I made a choice about my how I was going to identify. Sadly, as a young person, I didn’t want to associate myself with my Jamaican heritage. I was in the Midwest where there were few Jamaicans or West Indian families. To embrace that identity meant to mark myself as permanently “different.” I wanted to have friends, date boys and be accepted by my peer group. As shameful as it is to admit (even now), I didn’t want to be Jamaican. I didn’t want to be associated with the nappy-headed, ganja smoking representations of Jamaicans in the United States (even if I knew it was untrue.) I shunned any connection to my Jamaican heritage. I didn’t want to speak Pawta or take trips back home. It was hard enough being poor (which meant not having the latest clothes), being accused of “talking White”, and being considered a nerd. Adding another layer of difference to my identity? No thank you.

Once I was in college I began to rethink my choice. I was learning about Marcus Garvey (and other West Indian contributions to the Black American liberation struggle), the history of slavery in the Caribbean and the United States and the Pan-African movement. At the same time I was embarking on a study of my family history (which meant frequent conversations with my grandmother- the unofficial preserver of the family's Jamaican heritage). Slowly, I was forging the bonds again. I spent hours on the phone and in person speaking with my grandmother about our family. With her encouragement I took trips back home in order to reconnect with my family. By the time she passed away, I had become completely absorbed in my Jamaican culture. Shamefully, I admit to shunning my African-American side just as I had done previously with my Jamaican side. (You'd think I had learned).

Moving to South Florida didn’t help my predicament at all. The tension between West Indian immigrants and African-Americans down there was worse than anything I’d seen in the Midwest. If I ever felt like I had to choose between my two cultures it was then. Since I had reconnected with my Caribbean identity, it was only fitting that I chose to identify myself as Jamaican instead of African-American. (If you had met me during that time, you’d swear I’d just stepped off the plane from Jamaica. You’d never guess I had African-American family or that I’d previously passed as African-American).

Once I was living as a “full Jamaican” I realized how much insensitivity there was towards the plight of African-American people. I remember having lunch with a few of my co-workers who were from Latin America and the Caribbean. Somehow we started discussing race. Pretty much everyone agreed that African-Americans were “too sensitive” when it came to the subject. They wondered why African-Americans couldn’t simply “get over it”. We were in a new age where opportunity was abundant. Instead of complaining, African-Americans needed to apply their energy towards a career or an education and stop using race as a crutch. I quickly figured out the ethnic/racial hierarchy in South Florida. It went like this: White Americans (on top), White Latinos (starting with Cubans) followed next, Black Latinos and other Caribbean Blacks (minus Haitians) were after that, followed by African-Americans and lastly Haitians.

Yes, I was enjoying the status of being a West Indian but my soul was troubled. I was bothered by the way people freely promoted stereotypes about African-American people or spoke about them (us) as if they (we) were the most depraved people on the earth. Close friends of mine made comments about not wanting to be associated with “those people” and said they’d be upset if their children ever brought home someone who is African-American. I saw how some friends of mine did everything they could to distinguish themselves from African-Americans (even if it meant trying to hold on to their Caribbean accent with all their might.) The very same people never seemed to recognize the achievements of African-Americans locally or nationally. Most of the West Indians I was around clung to their view of African-Americans as ghetto, criminal, violent and lazy. West Indians who engaged in drug trafficking or violence were dismissed as exceptions to the rule.

To be fair, I’m sure there are African-Americans in South Florida who also have negative views of West Indian immigrants. Since I was passing I was not privy to those conversations.

The Broker
Like many bi-cultural and bi-racial people, I eventually came to place where I reconciled my two identities. Passing was not only emotionally taxing but dishonest. In some ways I felt like an ethnic voyeur. I realized I owed it to myself and to my family to proudly represent both cultures. More importantly, I needed to challenge stereotypes and prejudices displayed by both groups. (Otherwise I was complicit in the behavior). In some situations I have been called a traitor for being honest about the prejudice I’ve seen on both sides. In the spirit of political correctness, people don’t want to admit to the horrible things they say or think about each other. They definitely don’t take kindly to interlopers like me revealing their behind-closed-door discussions to the other party or to the public. But I’ve never been a fan of denial and certainly don’t believe in sugar coating things.

As I said in the beginning, I feel that African-Americans and Black West Indians have more in common than not. Both of us suffered the traumatic experience of slavery (slaves were often shipped back and forth between the Caribbean and the United States), were cut off from our African homelands (forcing us to create a new identity in the new world), and both of us have Black skin in a racist society. Jockeying for White attention and acceptance is not going to change the racist power structure in any way. Perpetuating stereotypes about one another won’t help us either. What we need is to build alliances with one another. Though I am prone to skepticism, in this situation I actually believe there’s hope. After all, I’m here aren’t I?

I’m interested in hearing your feedback…

Who is Jamerican?

2008-03-25T14:40:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I don't know, lol.

Am I a Black Nationalist?

Absolutely not. I have an appreciation for both of my cultures- Jamaican and African-American. I don't believe that either of my cultures are superior to anyone else's. However, loving my Blackness is in and of itself a political act. So much has been done to destroy the self-esteem and self-worth of Black people. It has become obvious to me that if I don't love blackness or work for the betterment of the Black community than no one else will. Just because I'm Muslim doesn't mean that I can ignore the meaning that skin color or race has in American society. By the same token, I can't ignore the fact that it has meaning in the Muslim community either.

Also, I don't think that being a Muslim means that I have to become absorbed in Arab or other cultures that are dominant in the Muslim community. I can appreciate Kufta, the Arabic language, Biryani or Abayas with the best of them but it doesn't make either of those things an Islamic obligation on me. I'm not a Blackistani nor am I a Black Arab...

Am I a Feminist?

I don't identity myself as a feminist. Yes, I'm all for the rights of women and will stand up for them whenever I can. I am sickened by the amount of sexism I see in American society and also in the Muslim community. I feel it is my duty as Muslim and as woman to challenge sexism whenever it rears its ugly head. I am bothered by non-Muslims who wish to "liberate" me by persuading me to "de-hijab." At the same time I'm irritated by Muslims who place too much emphasis on hijab and purdah. No one's strictly enforcing men's dress codes.

TRUE STORY: After Jumah last Friday I was about to offer my sunnahs. I happened to look down into the brother's area (from the balcony where the women pray behind a two-way mirror)and was faced with a horrid sight! A full view of a brother's butt crack as he went into sujud! Yuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Obviously some brothers could benefit from a discussion on dress requirements for Muslim men.

What is my educational background?

I have a BA in African-American Studies from the University of Minnesota (Twin Cities.) Insha'allah, I'll complete my thesis someday soon. Then I'll have an MA in African New World Studies from Florida International University(Miami.) As you can tell, I'm pretty interested in the study of Black people across the Diaspora. Up until recently, I was a facilitator for small group discussions on race.

What is my Islamic leaning?

As you know by now, when I first took shahadah I was heavily influenced by the Salafi movement. I never called myself Salafi and didn't even know such an ideology existed but it governed my complete understanding of Islam. (I also had close friends who were in the Tablighi Jamaat so I had that influence as well). After "taking a break" from Islam for nearly five years, I began practicing again in 2000. Now I'm striving to be a person "of the middle way." I don't want to be too strict or too loose. You could say that I'm still trying to find the balance.

Do I think I'm a weird person?

Sometimes. I have eclectic set of tastes in food, music, and hobbies. I like to think I'm as quirky as the average person. I'm probably a bit too studious for my own good. (Even as a child my mom said she'd always find me in a corner curled up with a book and a writing pad). Admittedly, I can be a bit of a perfectionist (just ask my friends) and I can be quite demanding (just ask my husband) but I mean well...

Something I've some to accept about myself:

I'm Bourgeois or "Booshie" as Black folks folks call it. Unlike a good friend of mine (you know who you are!) I realize that paying five dollars for a single cupcake, preferring Gelato to regular old ice cream, and refusing to go to bed without my sleep mask are instant qualifiers.

What improvements would I like to see in the ummah?

In a nutshell I'd like to see all of us (that includes me) make a conscious effort to live up to the Islamic ideals the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) has set forth for us. It's difficult but I think we can all do more.

That'll be all for now.

"Muslim" converts to Catholicism on Easter

2008-03-24T04:46:00.000-07:00

So, the media is making a big deal about the fact that a "Muslim", Magdi Allam, converted to Catholicism this weekend. Find the story here. According to CNN, Allam has angered us (his fellow Muslims) by converting on Easter of all days. (Gasp!) Apparently, the media is waiting to see how the "Muslim world" is going to react to the announcement that "one of theirs" has left the ranks. Naturally, the press is speculating as to whether or not death threats will be issued to Allam by Muslims. I pray- Ya Allah- that not one single person reacts in a violent way to this news whatsoever. (That includes, the threat of violence by the way). At the same time I know if you're looking for a wacko you can always find one if you search hard enough. So, I won't be the surprised if I turn on the television, open a newspaper, or scroll through one of the online news sources and find that the media has successfully dredged up a group of people who who want Allam dead in no uncertain terms. *sigh*

As a Muslim, I don't know about you, but of the many concerns I have- gas prices, the housing market, the scarcity of jobs, racism, sexism, the war in Iraq- this dude doesn't even make the list. He has the right to decide what lifestyle is best for him. If he wants to worship Jesus, saints, the Pope and whoever else then that's his business. And you know what, I dislike the way the media is marveling at such a conversion to begin with. For the record, I know plenty of people who have left the Catholic church and became Muslims. Perhaps they did so on Christmas, Easter, or during Lent. Who knows? The point is, it happens. That's life.

By Magdi Allam's own admission, he was "never practicing", "never prayed five times a day, facing Mecca" and "never fasted during Ramadan." An interesting phenomenon I've noticed when it comes to Muslim apostates (especially when they're highly critical of Islam or Muslims) is that they're allowed to enjoy the privilege (that's right I said privilege) of calling themselves Muslims and can claim to speak from within the Muslim community. (Here I am thinking of characters like Ayaan Hirsi Ali). But I digress...

Personally, I don't subscribe to the belief that a person is automatically, instantly, permanently and forever Muslim (no matter what) simply because they were born into a Muslim family. Yes, everyone is born with an inclination towards the fitrah (the natural belief in one God) and it is their parents who make them otherwise. However, Islam is a proactive way of life. You can't simply be, you have to do. Therefore, even if you're born to Muslim parents and were raised as a Muslim, at some point in your life you have to decide if you want to practice Islam. If you make the decision not to practice Islam then what does that make you? Hmm...

Insha'allah when my husband and I have children, we have already agreed that our children, will make an official, conscious decision to be Muslims. Insha'allah, they will take shahadah (just as we did) to declare their position. I pray (Ya Allah) that my children will not walk around bragging about how they were "born Muslim" and how their mother and father are devout Muslims but when it comes down to it, they don't even practice the basic tenets of Islam. Does that make any sense? I don't know...I may be wrong here. I ask Allah's forgiveness if I am. I just think our perspective needs to change. But I digress again...

Good luck to Magdi Allam. Enjoy your shirk!

Anger

2008-03-17T18:16:00.002-07:00

I'm pissed off about some things. I can't say what because I don't want to "out" the offending parties. But at the same time I feel compelled to blog about the fact that I'm upset. (You follow me?) This is all a shame because I recall hearing a beautiful kutbah about anger just two weeks ago. But I digress...

I am not the kind of person who gets angry often. Maybe I get irritable from time to time but not ANGRY. However, when I do get angry I become eerily silent. Over the years, I've discovered that "silent angry" makes people more uncomfortable than "going-off angry." When a person is going off at least they're saying what's on their mind. With me, the offending party is like, "Am I going to be driving my car one day and discover she's tampered with my brakes?" (Of course I would never do anything like that- insha'allah- but I know it creeps people out).

The thing is, I just need time to think about things and choose my words wisely before I say something I can never take back. I know myself and I know that's exactly what could happen. Make no mistake, my Jamaican grandmother has told me plenty of times that my "mout' too hot" for my own good. (Hot mouth= sharp tongue).

So here I am, pissed off and blogging to keep myself from cussing out some people. More than anything, I hate when people are disrespectful towards me. I try, no matter how much I dislike someone, to be respectful of them as fellow human beings. Can some people at least extend me the same courtesy? Mi rahtid...

The Mind Wonders...

2008-03-11T08:18:00.000-07:00

Normally, I don't care too much about politicians. And I'm not suprised to find out that they're corrupt. With that said, what must it feel like to be the wife of Governor Eliot Spitzer right now? I mean, she might've known her husband was cheating but what does it feel like to stand beside him as he PUBLICALLY admits to paying for prostitutes? That's the ultimate slap in the face.

Profiting off of misery: Muslim Immigrants Selling Haram in the ‘Hood

2008-03-10T13:26:00.000-07:00

The first contact I ever had with Arabs was on the Southside of Chicago. Every summer and school vacation I went there to visit my father, siblings and paternal grandparents. When I wanted to buy potato chips, soda or other candy, my sisters and I would make our way to the corner store. (I realize now we actually called it 'the A-rab' store). If anyone in the neighborhood wanted to play the lotto, buy a forty or bootleg videos, the corner store was there. By the same token, if we wanted to sink our teeth into a pizza puff or have a gyro, we’d go to the local fast food joint. Both places were owned by Muslim immigrants. I remember seeing Suras from the Quran hanging in the back, behind the bulletproof glass. (At the time I didn’t know it was Quran, I just saw some funny-looking gold writing scrawled on a shiny black background).

I quickly learned that none of the people who owned the store actually lived in the neighborhood. They’d come early in the morning to open their business and they’d leave late at night. (Some of the businesses stayed open all night). On occasion, the store or fast food owners would hire a person from the neighborhood to work in the place. Maybe they’d sweep the floor, take out the trash or wipe down the windows. (They were never allowed to work the cash register). More often than not, the person acted as a kind of broker between us (the patrons) and the store or restaurant owners. If there was a dispute between one of the patrons and the owner, the person would try to resolve the dispute by relating to both sides. They’d assure the patron that the store/restaurant owners were “good people” and vice versa. “Just a little misunderstanding.” Tension diffused! When I look back on it now, I realize people in the neighborhood felt better about the presence of Arab store/restaurant owners when they saw “one of our own” working in store.

Nonetheless, it was clear that the store/restaurant owners had a love-hate relationship with their patrons. They loved for people to spend their money in the stores or fast food joints but they didn’t seem to have much respect for the people they served. They looked down on us. We were Black, poor, and some of us were uneducated. There were frequent shootings in the neighborhood, drugs, teenage pregnancy and so many other vices. We continued to patronize businesses who sold us inferior products, whose owners treated us with disrespect and suspicion. More often than not, they wouldn’t even extend us the courtesy of saying hello. (A big no-no in African-American culture. You always speak to people!)

It was no secret that some of the store/restaurant owners slept with women and girls in the neighborhood. After all, they’d hit on us constantly. They’d make rude, sexual comments to us. I’d seen young girls pushing a stroller with a half “A-rab” baby in it. There was no talk of marriage or courtship. And I’m sure the “relationship” existed only in the ‘hood. Outside of that, there were no trips to the mall, fine dining at restaurants or late nights at the movies. And certainly no introductions to family members. However, when their women would work in the store it was clear that the men were not to interact with them whatsoever. The veiled woman would quietly work behind the counter uttering a “thank you” or “come again” on occasion. When she did speak it was in their language to her family members who owned the store.

If the Arab business owners had a love-hate relationship with their patrons, it was the same with us. I’d heard my grandparents, aunts, uncles and other people in the neighborhood complain about “them A-rabs.” They didn’t like the way they were being treated when they went into the store. Someone from the neighborhood (one of the few who had a car and could venture out) had seen one of the store owners on the other side of town buying products which they would later mark up and sell at an exorbitant rate in their store. Words like exploitation, oppression, boycotting and Black ownership floated around my head. On the other hand, some people said if we didn’t like the way we were treated we should open our own business. The store/restaurant owners had come from other countries. Some of them barely spoke English yet they had managed to open up a small business. They were only trying to make a living like the rest of us. Could you blame them?

Fast forward

I had accepted Islam and was attending college. By then, I had interacted with Arab and other Muslim immigrants in the masjid and in the Muslim Student Association (MSA). I felt like I had a different perspective and a better understanding of their cultures and religion. By then I knew that selling pork, lottery tickets, alcohol, pornographic magazines, and bootleg videos was against the very religion that the Arab store/restaurant owners claimed was so dear to them. (They actually had the nerve to display portions of the Quran amongst all of the haram!) I also knew that some of them rationalized their actions by saying that their patrons were “kaafirs” who were killing themselves anyway. The women were loose and immoral. The men were lazy and criminal. The store/restaurant owners were “helping them” by setting up businesses in the neighborhood. Otherwise people would have to catch the bus or the train out of the neighborhood in order to get provisions like milk or a pack of cigarettes. If they wanted a quick meal, they’d have to do the same.

So there I was, in Chicago visiting my family again. This time I was in hijab. My sister and I journeyed to corner store so she could get a few things. When we entered the store, the owner’s gaze immediately landed on me. He looked stunned. Eventually his surprise turned into a warm smile. “As salaam alaikum sister!” he yelled to me from behind the bulletproof glass. I returned his salaam. An older man had come from the back of the store and he also looked stunned. They proceeded to ask me where I was from, which masjid I attended etc. They explained that they were from Palestine. They told me they were my brothers in Islam. (From the corner of my eye I could see my sister, hand on hip, eyebrow raised, looking back and forth from me to the store owners). I must’ve looked doubtful or conflicted because before I knew it, the older man had come from behind the bullet proof glass to show me his copy of the Quran. In broken English he said, “We both Muslims. You our sister.” When I tried to pay for my items they refused to accept my money. “We cannot charge you,” they said. Once we got outside my sister was so upset she was shaking.

“Their sister!” she spat. “How are you their sister? I’m your sister. They don’t even like us. They come into our neighborhoods, treat us all like criminals and now you’re their sister? She paused before speaking again. “You’re not the same kind of Muslim they are. I know that! And they didn’t even speak to me. They didn’t even acknowledge me until you said something. Was I there? ”

I agreed with her. I expressed my surprise at the new way I was being treated. I told her if I didn’t have the hijab on I’d go back to being “one of them” and no one would be rushing from behind the bulletproof glass to call me sister. We laughed about it. Yet, during the course of my stay in Chicago, similar incidents would happen every time we went into a convenience store, gas station or fast food restaurant. My shock eventually became disgust.

Profiting off of misery (continued)

2008-03-10T13:12:00.000-07:00

The Stores and Restaurants

Chicago is not the only place where Muslim immigrants have set up convenience stores. I’ve lived in South Florida, the Twin Cities, Ohio, and in Southern California. I’ve also visited other cities where I’ve seen the same thing. Sometimes Pakistanis or Indians own the stores, other times it’s Arabs. I’ve even met a few Turkish immigrants in corner stores. (And I’m excluding non-Muslim store owners like Koreans). Whatever the ethnicity of the Muslim immigrant, one thing was clear to me- there are Muslims who are making a profit off of selling haram to people in historically oppressed communities. Rather than using their presence in the community to empower people, give dawah and build alliances they are taking advantage of people, exploiting them and mistreating them all in the same breath. And even if they don’t mistreat people in terms of the way they interact with them, Muslim store/restaurant owners are selling Black and Chicano/Latino people products that they wouldn’t even eat, drink or use themselves. How Islamic is that? It shocked me to see Palestinians participating in this nonsense. After all, every Palestinian Muslim I’ve met has talked about the oppression of their people and the need for me, as a Muslim, to lend my voice to their cause. How can some of them turn around and exploit people in my community when they know what it feels like to be oppressed? And then they expect people to be sympathetic to their cause? I’m just sayin’…

As a result of the way they’ve been treated in the ‘hood, some Black people have come to despise Arabs, Indians/Pakistanis and/or Muslims. After 9/11 and the subsequent targeting of Muslims (esp. immigrant Muslims) many people in the Black community had little to no sympathy for them. (Us?) I’ve heard my own family members or friends of the family say as much. “Now they know what it’s like to be treated like us” was the common response I’d hear. Though I try to explain that it’s unfair for them to blame all Arabs, SE Asians or Muslims for what a few individuals are doing, I know how difficult it is for some of my family members and friends to see it that way. The only contact they have with Arabs (who they usually see as Muslims whether they are or not) has been through the corner stores and fast food restaurants. I cannot completely blame them for the way they feel even as I try to connect the mistreatment of Arabs, SE Asians and Muslims to the larger struggle against racism.

The Light at the End of the Tunnel

A friend of mine called me from the west coast. She had something very exciting to tell me; a diverse group of Muslims (including immigrant and second generation immigrant Muslims) were formulating a plan to approach the Muslims who were selling haram and exploiting the people in predominately Black and Chicano communities. The group was going to give the owners a choice- stop selling haram or they would be shut down. The store owners would not find any support in the Muslim community. They would be boycotted. (My friend told me that she’d heard a similar movement was taking place in Chicago).

I couldn’t believe it! For years African-American Muslims had talked about it amongst ourselves. I’d heard about different groups of people (from specific neighborhoods) approaching store owners in New York and Philadelphia. The only missing piece for me was for immigrant and second generation immigrant Muslims to step up to the plate. I’d been in masjids where wealthy store and restaurant owners were proudly accepted into the community. People knew how they made their living but no one said anything. They even contributed to the masjid with their haram money! But now my friend was giving me hope.

So I suppose that is what needs to happen. As Muslims we cannot simply shake our heads and say, “how unfortunate.” Or worse, live in a state of denial. We have a responsibility to speak out against the injustice that Muslims are committing against other people. I think we will find that different cities and communities are at various stages of development in regards to this issue. Some people need to start by “outing” Muslim business owners who are committing the wrong. No more protection, acceptance, denial or burying heads in the sand. It might mean venturing out into poor communities to witness the harm they’re doing. Some people, who are aware of what is going on may be at the stage where they have enough people to support the cause and can approach Muslim store and restaurant owners about their behavior. The bottom line is that I want to see something happen and I want to be a part of it...

Word/Phrases/Sayings I dislike or am tired of hearing

2008-03-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

"The race card"

Race is not a card. It is not a trump card and it is not something people of color can use to win. And what is it that we win? Though race is indeed a construct, it has real meaning in American society. It means that I have to deal with racism every single day of my life. I have to deal with the fact that there are people who think the color of my skin means that I am intellectually, emotionally, physically, morally, culturally and religiously inferior to them. Whether the racism is institutionalized, social, personal, or environmental it is real. Very real. It is not a card. It is not an excuse I can use every time I want to shirk responsibility or make White people feel uncomfortable or guilty.

"Just make du'a sister"

It's not that I dislike this phrase. It just seems to be a catchall, robotic phrase some Muslims use to avoid really thinking about a solution to someone's problem. For example, Sister Aisha is having a problem at work. Maybe she's facing discrimination, maybe she's being sexually harassed, or maybe she's being isolated because she wears hijab. She tells a group of sisters about her problem and they do not offer her any solutions beyond "make du'a sister." Yeah, we should always ask Allah for his assistance in matters. This is true. BUT sometimes when I'm seeking advice from someone I'd like to know that they have really reflected on my dilemma and can give me more advice than "just make du'a."

"Nigga"

I don't care how much Black folks want to justify their use of the word it still is what it is. Historically, it is a word that has been used to demean and degrade Black people. Trying to "take the sting out of the word" by using it in every day conversation or as a term of endearment is just plain silly. Wake up people!

"Ethnic Food"
I feel like this phrase serves to place cuisine that hails from non-White, non-European cultures into one neat little category. Yet another way to make non-White people and their cultures perpetual "others." I've never heard it used to describe food from countries like Greece, Italy or France, only food coming from countries like India, Jamaica or Thailand. Isn't American food ethnic? Isn't Romanian food ethnic?

"I was born Muslim"
Alhamdulillah! I'm happy that some people had the opportunity to be born into a family that practices Islam. It's great. I'm just tired of people using this phrase to make themselves seem somehow better or "different" than those of us who converted to Islam. In the end, being born into Islam is meaningless. What's important is how you live your life on a regular basis. Do you adhere to the principles of Islam? Do strive to follow Allah's commands? Do you know what Allah is asking of you? The other thing is this. Insha'allah, the more difficult something is for a person the more reward they get for attempting the task. So, if I grew up in a non-Muslim family, lived a lifestyle that was contrary to Islamic principles, and then one day, Allah blessed me with the gift of Islam, don't you think I'll be rewarded accordingly? If I had to go against everything I've known for most of my life (including my family) don't you think I'm going get like, mega reward for it?

"Are you Islamic?"
Let me break it down for all the non-Muslims out there. Islam is the religion or way of life and Muslims are the adherents to Islam. The term "Islamic" usually applies to a thing. Like an Islamic saying or an Islamic lifestyle. It does NOT apply to the people who practice the way of life called Islam. Got it? Cool.

And those are my two cents for the day...as you were!

Another round of random thoughts

2008-03-06T15:12:00.000-08:00

-I haven't been shopping for clothes since the early part of December. I can't believe it! Anyone who knows me is probably gasping right now. Yes, it's true!

-Now that I'm in Ohio (yes, I'm revealing my 'secret location', lol) I'm finding myself addicted to Grippos. What's in these things? Crack?

-I never fulfilled my dream of singing karaoke. Maybe one day we'll have it at a sister's party. If we do, I'm Taylor Dayne, Betty Wright and Bob Marley- live on stage. Uh-huh.

-I don't think I can give up listening to music. And I'm not even sure if I believe ALL OF IT is haram. (And no it's not up for debate, paste all the Hadith you want, the sad fact is that I'm just not there).

-Speaking of music, Jordan Sparks is growing on me. One day I found myself singing along to "Like a Tattoo." Then it was on my mp3 player. I can still proudly say I've never watched American Idol though...

-Why are people acting like Barack Obama is the great savior? A mahdi come to earth? Is it because we need to have hope? Is it because Bush is a living, breathing nightmare? Do we want to have faith in politicians so bad that every single time there is an election we think we've found "the one"; that special politician who will make good on all of their promises? Am I the only one who doesn't trust politicians? (It's the Jamaican in me, I can't help it).

-I had a job interview this week and another one next week. Insha'allah something will bite. Though I'm catching up on a lot of reading, I'm starting to get really bored being at home.

-I have too many hijabs. It's ridiculous. I can't even walk into the closet without a bag of them falling on my head. The other day I was digging through my things and found yet another pile of hijabs. Did I go crazy or what?

-When sisters stop wearing hijab what do they do with their hijab collection?

-I miss my family. I can't wait to go home in May insha'allah. Hopefully my sister and I are taking my mom to the Ebony Fashion Fair again. Last year she really enjoyed it.

-Speaking of family, my mom's birthday is on the 29th. There's no getting around giving her a gift. Trying that "I'm-Muslim-I-don't-celebrate-birthdays-thing" doesn't work in my family. I think it's fair given that no one pressures me about major holidays like Christmas or Easter. My mom already showed me the diamond earrings she wants for her birthday. She liked them so much I didn't have the heart to tell her that I've made the decision to never purchase diamonds again, insha'allah. Maybe I should send her a copy of the movie "Blood Diamond" and an article I read about the diamond industry. You think she'll understand? I don't know...she says if she had enough money she'd buy a fur...

If you thought they were all conspiracy theories...read this!

2008-03-05T14:56:00.000-08:00

"My kind of of people. Turns out Muslims are pretty much like everyone else. They love diamonds and gold, and Rolexes and Mercedes. These Arabs may talk a big story about living ascetically, following Allah's commands, not charging interest on loans, keeping their women veiled, and so forth, but just look around. They sure as hell aren't practicing it" (pg. 214, "Qatar and DUbai: Las Vegas in the Land of Mullahs")

The Benefits of Hijab: Scripted Sayings vs. The Reality

2008-03-04T12:38:00.000-08:00

From the moment I decided to start wearing hijab, I, like many other Muslimahs, became the public face of Islam. I am asked hundreds of questions about Islam and/or Arab culture. I am expected to explain the history of the Israeli-Palestinian, conflicts in the Middle East and what every Muslim on the planet thinks about a given issue. As complicated as those questions may be there is one simple question which people never fail to ask- why do you wear hijab/the veil/”that thing on your head”/the scarf? After I provided an “official” answer about why I was wearing it- per the Quran, modesty, distinction as a Muslimah- I proceeded to highlight the benefits of wearing hijab. I would launch into a scripted but passionate explanation about all of the perks that go along with being a hijabi.

One day I listened to myself and I began to pick apart my own arguments with examples I’d seen in the Muslim community and in my own life. I was going on and on about the benefits of hijab but in the back of my mind I knew that my life was more complicated than I made it sound. If I’m honest I’d be forced to admit that subconsciously I was trying my hardest to make the life of a hijab-wearing Muslimah look appealing to non-Muslims (and even to non-hijabi sisters.) Somewhere along the lines I must’ve read an article or a book on hijab and decided the answers someone else provided were the best. Who knows, maybe I was trying to convince myself. So, what are some of the common answers I used to give? Let’s take a look.

Hijab protects me from the harassment of men. They do not look at me like a piece of meat or treat me like an object.

Believe it or not, there is some truth to this statement. On the average men do not hit on me when I’m out in public. They don’t whistle or make obscene gestures towards me. On the average they do not “hey baby” or ask me for my number. They either see the hijab as an off limits sign, don’t know how to approach someone like me or figure it’s too much work. However, I don’t think it’s true as a general statement to say that hijab makes me 100% exempt from the treatment other women receive while out in public. I think it depends on the situation and the person who's doing the approaching:

-I’ve been approached by non-Muslim men who pretend to be interested in learning about Islam so that they can get close to me or at least get my number.

-Even though I’m in hijab I’ve been solicited by men who are looking for prostitutes.

-I’ve come to the realization that some men have a fetish with Muslim women who wear the hijab and/or niqab. They wonder what's underneath all those clothes and apparently it turns them on. Non-Muslim relatives of mine have told me that sometimes men like things left to the imagination. A woman who is all “covered up” is seen as challenge.

-I’ve had Muslim men catcall me or try to get with me. (And I don’t think it was for the purpose of marriage). One time I was catching the bus to work and two Muslim men held up traffic as they tried to offer me a ride or at least get a telephone number. The fact that I was wearing an abaya didn’t seem to dissuade them in the least.

And then there's the Somali mall. If you ever been to the Twin Cities or lived there then you know, hijabs, niqabs, abayas, gloves or burkhas do not prevent a sister from being heckled, stared at or even touched sometimes...

When people (non-Muslims) see me in hijab, they will see a righteous, pious woman who is committed to God. They will be drawn to Islam as a result.

Hmm, I don’t know about that. From the studies I’ve seen and the conversations I’ve had with people, it seems that when people look at us they think the following: She’s oppressed, she’s backwards, she doesn’t speak English, her husband/brother/uncle/father made her dress like that, she’s not very educated etc. Some people are repulsed or even afraid!

Not a lot of people look at us and automatically see a righteous woman who is consciously striving to please her Lord. In fact, people are surprised when I tell them that I chose to dress this way and that I am doing so to please God. They're shocked when they discover that I converted to Islam, don’t come from an “Islamic country”, have no Muslim family and made the choice to “dress like this.”

It seems like once people have had the chance to get to know me (and interact with me) only then do they start to think, Oh, she's a person who's striving to be religious. Whether they understand it or not is another matter...

The hijab forces people (esp. men) to move past the physical and to focus on my mind; my intellect.

In the right situation, yes. As I mentioned in the previous example, when it comes to non-Muslims, the majority of them are already convinced they know who we are. And one of the things they think is that we are not very educated (read: not very intelligent). Again, think about the surprise people express when they see a hijab-wearing Muslimah who is educated, articulate, and intelligent.

When it comes to Muslims (generally speaking of course), as much as we would like to believe this statement to be true, I have my doubts. I don’t think I need to discuss the sexism that exists in our community (check out the Muslim blogosphere.) Sisters are fighting to make their voices heard and for positions in key organizations. Sisters are tired of simply cooking for masjid functions or supporting the brothers. And we’re tired of being regulated to the back of the masjid to be heard from no more.

No, not all Muslim men are sexist. There are brothers who do appreciate us for our intellect. We thank them. Now it’s time for you to get out there and challenge the other brothers!

Muslim women wear hijab as a sign of modesty and purity. It is a symbol of their chastity and dignity.

Ideally yes. Realistically no. We all know that there are Muslim women who wear a scarf (and I say scarf deliberately rather than hijab) but have cleavage hanging out, painted on jeans, see through garments etc. The only thing they are hiding is their hair (or part of their hair). And believe me; I say this not as a judgment but rather as a statement of the facts. One day I was walking to work and as I approached the corner I saw three guys with their neck stretched out, looking at someone who was around the corner. I heard them saying, “Dayyum, look at all that ass!” Much to my surprise they were checking out a Muslim woman who was wearing a scarf but had on ultra-tight jeans with a fitted shirt. I try not to judge people- esp. women when it comes to wearing hijab- but I didn’t think those guys were looking at her and seeing a woman who is modest and pure; a symbol of chastity and Islamic dignity. (And I am not fully blaming her. I could write another blog about the objectification of women etc.)

The other thing is that there are women who wear hijab (and I do mean ‘proper hijab’- whatever that means to you) whose behavior does not reflect its purpose. The way I see it, hijab is more than just the clothing you put on, it’s also in the behavior, and how a woman carries herself. Unfortunately, there are hijabis who curse like sailors, hijabis who are loud and rude in public, hijabis who are flirtatious, and so on. A friend of mine once told me that she knew a non-Muslim guy who had a hijabi “girlfriend”. My friend was trying to explain the purpose of hijab, modesty etc. to him but he thought it was a joke. He told my friend when it came time to have sex with his “girlfriend” he just lifted up her skirt and “did his thing.” He’d never seen her hair but he was “getting it.” (And I say this not be crude but to be honest about what’s going on out there).

If iman is not cultivated but sisters are urged to wear hijab, what do you think will happen?

By wearing the hijab, I am freed from the body image issues that exist in American culture. As a hijabi, I don't need to worry about suffering from Bulimia or Anorexia or similar illnesses. Unlike non-Muslim women, I am not influenced by the media or society’s definitions of beauty.

WRONG! While I have not seen statistics on bulimia or anorexia in the Muslim community, I find it hard to believe that there aren’t practicing Muslimahs who suffer from either disease. The reason I say this is because I have been around Muslim women and have listened to them complain about their weight- even if they are slim. I’ve also know that in certain Muslim cultural communities the ideal woman is fair-skinned and skinny. What happens if a woman is neither?

Even though we are Muslim many of us are still subjected to the same messages about beauty that every other woman in society is subjected to. (i.e. we are taught to hate the way we are designed and to spend exorbitant amounts of money in order to change ourselves). Our men (Muslim men) are influenced by the larger society as well as we are. I know sisters who husbands have put pressure on them to lose weight so that they can fit into the American body ideal. (I personally experienced it in my previous marriage). It's not a secret that some Muslim brothers are looking for walking perfection in a hijab. True: I know a sister whose husband placed it in their marriage contract that she had to work out a certain number of days and do everything she can to maintain her weight. (Even after kids).

I think it’s rather foolish of us to think we won’t be influenced by our environment. Unless you’re living like the Amish, it’s going to be there. I think ideally we’re striving to get to a place where our main focus is developing internally (with less focus on the external). We’re trying to abide by the Islamic principles we read about and are exemplified in the life of the Prophet Muhammad (s.a.w.) I just don’t think the majority of us are there yet. That includes me! Hence the outside influence.

I love hijab and I never regret the decision to wear it. I am so happy! I'll never take it off.

For some Muslimahs the aforementioned statement is true. However, I have to admit (and I know I'm not the only one) that I have my ups and downs. For the most part I absolutely love wearing hijab. It has become like a second skin to me and most of the time I could not fathom the thought of taking it off. Generally, I feel so feminine and so proud to represent Islam. Then there are days when my iman is not as high and though I still wear it, it's difficult. Sometimes I feel unattractive in it. I look at myself and I see a strange, foreign lady staring back at me. Those days are rough. I have to ask for Allah's assistance and do little things to lift my morale.

I'd also be lying if I said I never thought about taking it off. Especially in this post-9/11 world with the spike in hate crimes directed towards Muslims and the overall discrimination we face. The other day I was telling my husband that he does not feel the sting of racism and discrimination directed towards Muslims in the way that a woman wearing hijab does. Without a doubt, people KNOW I am Muslim when they look at me. By the same token, they don't know he's Muslim unless he tells them. They just see a Black guy with a beard who has a "funny name." From time to time, the staring, the rudeness, the stereotyping, and discrimination starts to get to me. But alhamdulillah, my saving grace has been that I remember the blessing that is involved. I rememeber the more difficult something is, the more reward you're getting for it.

But you have to know, it's difficult being the public face of Islam every single day. You have to be a really strong person. Among many other reasons, some sisters don't feel like they can do it anymore and they take their hijabs off. While I don't think they should give up so easily, I certainly understand. I pray, in time they will make the decision to try and it again- once and for all.

In Conclusion

I am not saying that some of the statements listed above are not true for some Muslimahs. And I am not suggesting that we air all of our dirty laundry to people when explaining the benefits of hijab. I just don't think it's good to try and sell a dream or to be deceptive in any way. And I feel like, in some respects, many of us are just regurgitating statements we've read and heard over the years without seriously thinking about what we are saying. I personally decided that I would tell people my reasons for wearing hijab but I would also share the complexities (and ups and downs) that come along with it. I'm all for being real and I think people respect you more for that.

Besides, the biggest benefit I've gotten from wearing hijab has nothing to do with other people or their understandings of Islam. The best and most important benefit is the closeness I feel to ALLAH by doing something he has commanded- no matter how difficult it is at times. That's enough for me.

Takin' a break to groove to a old school tune!

2008-02-28T17:38:00.000-08:00

Cause sometimes you need a break!

Anti-Muslim Bias or Good Old Fashioned Racism?

2008-02-27T09:32:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched ABC’s production of “What would you do?” The first portion of the show examined people’s reaction to "anti-Muslim bias." Says ABC, “ABC's production crew outfitted The Czech Stop, a bustling roadside bakery north of Waco, Texas, with hidden cameras and two actors. One played a female customer wearing a traditional Muslim head scarf, or hijab. The other acted as a sales clerk who refused to serve her and spouted common anti-Muslim and anti-Arab slurs.” The actor uttered some of the most offensive and racist comments a person could hear. Meanwhile, the cameras were waiting to gauge the reaction of customers who entering the bakery. Read about it here.

In the end the reactions were mixed. Some people did nothing, some people agreed with the sales clerk and others defended the actress/Muslim woman. According to ABC more than half of the reactions were as follows:

“Even though people seemed to have strong opinions on either side, more than half of the bystanders did or said absolutely nothing.”

To be honest with you, I wasn’t surprised in the least. As a Muslim woman who has worn hijab in the South, the Midwest, on the West coast and in the Northeast, I’ve had a range of reactions to my presence. The most severe reaction took place while I was in line at a South Florida post office. Basically a woman who possessed a concealed weapon threatened me in front of at least ten people. No one rushed to my defense and no one called 9-1-1. In fact, no one said anything. Though I really wanted to cuss her out, I’m not a fool. The woman had a weapon on her! I elected to ignore her and quickly make my way to my car.

Anyhow, while I’m happy ABC chose to take up this topic something disturbed me during the entire time I watched it. I kept waiting for people to identify the discrimination the actress/Muslim woman faced and the apathetic responses to the discrimination as racist. It never happened. ABC chose to label the treatment as “anti-Muslim bias” or “Islamophobia.” (And don’t get me wrong here; plenty of Muslims label such behavior as ‘Islamophobic’). I personally think when we use terms like that we’re somehow softening (and taking the sting out of) very racist actions and words. We’re creating a distance between something people of color experience in their daily lives (racism) and replacing it with a term that describes discrimination against a specific group of people. Not only do terms like “anti-Muslim bias” or “Islamophobia” isolate Muslims from the larger anti-racism movements, they don’t prick at the moral consciousness of the average American in the way that terms like “racist”, “racism” or “bigot” do. (After all, it is no longer socially acceptable to be overtly racist).

ABC had a golden opportunity to address racism when they discussed how some people choose to define who is American and who is not.

"Jack Dovidio, a social psychologist at Yale University, said these men [racist men in several hidden camera scenes] seemed to define "American" based on the way people look. They connected with the sales clerk and considered our female actor an outsider. "When we as Americans feel threatened from the outside, we're going to define ourselves in very rigid fashions," Dovidio said. "Either you're with me, and if you're not really one of me, then you must be somebody else who's against me."

How about the fact that "Americanness" is often defined as "Whiteness?" And Whiteness is considered the norm. That is why some people are defining "American" based on "the way people look." Historically people of color have not been included in the definition of American. We have existed outside that definition. At one point during the show, ABC journalist John (I can't remember his last name) who is clearly a man of color, was told by one of the men who applauded the racist clerk/actor, that he is not American either.

As an African-American, I am all too familiar with racism. I know what it looks like, I know how it feels, and I know how to spot it in its smallest and simplest forms. The only thing I find surprising about the current climate of racism directed towards Muslims is how open people are about it and how socially acceptable it is. But then again, why should I be surprised? It only confirms what I have always known and what some people have been unwilling to accept or see- racism is alive and well in America...

But alhamdulillah, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. There were people who entered The Czech Stop who were viciously opposed to the mistreatment of ABC's actress/Muslim woman. Some of them walked out, telling the clerk they would no longer patronize the bakery. Others stood there and argued on behalf of the actress/Muslim woman. I'm happy to know that there are people out there who will speak up when they see an injustice taking place. They gave me (the cynic) hope.

I'm curious to hear what some of you think. Are we doing a disservice to ourselves by labeling discrimination we face as Islamophobic rather than racist? Why or why not?

Yu See Me? (A poem/rant by me)

2008-02-26T14:31:00.000-08:00

The Dream:
Some women are looking for love
For a fantasy
They seek to be swept away like a dream
Giddy with raw emotion
Drunk off the feelings of love
The thrill of it all
Passion to overtake them

Me:
What I want is something a little quieter
A little less dramatic
Less romantic (some say)
I just want some respect and a lot of understanding
I don’t want him to look at me with a blank, bored, disinterested gaze when I’m speaking to him
I don’t want to stumble over words
Fragmented sentences
Stuttering trying to get him to feel me
No man, none of that for the queen.
I don’t want him to look at the Caribbean novels I read
My obsession with Italian ice cram
Or
My love of exotic bath oils
And find me some strange specimen who slunk into his life one day
He’s got to feel me or the whole thing is off
He’s got a understand me
He’s gotta respect me
Or we’re not getting down

Possession:
Some women are looking for adoration
His eyes made only for them
His thoughts preoccupied with the twist of her waist
Or the curl of her lips
The beauty and glamour
The infatuation with her being

Me Again:
But I’m just sayin’
I’m thinking about the complicated thoughts I have sometimes
My frustration with the world
My 10,001 opinions on everything from elections to music
He’s gotta feel me on that one
Or it’s like
What’s this all for?
And what am I doing here?
And who is this man staring back at me?

Us:
I’m talking about you and I in the kitchen
Side by side
Preparing dinner
And talking about current events
Not so glamourous you may say
But that’s what makes my toes curl baby

Revelation:
I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m just different
Like wearing an abaya on Miami Beach
I’m just doing what feels right to me even if it’s not consistent with the norm
And I’m not afraid to ask for what I want
Even if it’s different from the fairytale I’ve been sold my entire life
And I’m not afraid to demand it
Or wait many years for it
Or suffer the pains trying to get it
In the end I’ll get what’s coming to me
This I know

©2008 JAMuslimah

10 Steps to Being a Better Husband

2008-02-22T15:05:00.000-08:00

By Craig Playstead

Everyone worries too much about bills, getting the kids off to school, and why the dog keeps peeing on the carpet. It's time to light that fire again and remind her of all the reasons why she married you to begin with. Here are 10 steps that will get you on your way to husband of the year.

1) Take an interest in something your wife is really passionate about.
This can be especially tough for guys, because we generally feel that if someone else has interests that differ from ours, they're morons. It's not an easy task, and being able to show interest in something that matters to someone you love shows growth—and that's terrifying. Good, but terrifying. Accomplish this and you'll make her feel better about herself, and you get better insight into what makes her tick

2) Put the kids to bed. Once a week give her the night off and put the kids to bed by yourself.
Let her take a hot bath, read a book, or check gossip on the Web and forget about the kids. I'm always amazed how happy this makes my wife. It ranks somewhere between low-end jewelry and a Hawaiian vacation.

3) Learn to apologize.
This is the easiest one, and the hardest one. A marriage is a marathon, and we all fly off the handle too quick or let our temper get the best of us sometimes. When you're wrong, it's best to step up and apologize. It's amazing how fast "I'm sorry" can defuse a stupid argument about something you can't even remember.

4) Thank her for putting up with you.
Every once in a while, just thank her for putting up with you. That's all you have to say. Don't launch into a list of your faults, or the story about coming home two days late from that Vegas bachelor party. Just thank her, and let her know that you understand that you're not the easiest person in the world to live with.

5) Clean up after yourself.
Take care of that late night snack or morning cereal bowl. Setting them in the sink is one thing, but go that extra mile and actually put them in the dishwasher. After all, no one enjoys scraping bacon dip off a bowl that's been sitting too long or smelling the chili from the night before. A beer bottle on the counter the next morning is even worse.

6) Make time for just the two of you.
Take her on a date once a month. Surprise her by arranging child care, ordering a pizza for the kids, and getting a sitter. She will be so thrilled at your ability to take care of the details that reservations at the best restaurant in town aren't even necessary. The fact that you love her enough to do this would make a Big Mac taste like cracked crab.

7) Groom yourself.
Don't embarrass her when you venture out of the house. Check the ears, nose, neck and yes, feet for hair or other growths that shouldn't be there. She not only wants you to impress her friends by how you act, but also by how you look.

8) Get away from the family.
Yep, you're getting a free pass. This takes a left turn from the others, but it's essential. Get away from all your responsibilities and go camping or on a golf outing with the guys. You'll laugh, relax, and recharge your batteries. And all three will make you a much better husband when you return.

9) Deal with your side of the family.
Help your wife set expectations with your side of the family when it comes to making plans. Don't make her inform your parents that they won't be seeing their grandkids on Christmas this year—pick up the phone and do it yourself. Dealing with extended family can be a huge stress throughout the year, and you don't want the burden to fall entirely on her.

10) Don't lose your dating manners.
Remember, she's your wife, not one of your buddies. Don't burp during dinner, or squeeze one out during the movie as she's reaching for the popcorn. You wouldn't have done that while you were dating, and you shouldn't do it now. Continue to try and impress her. Do everything you can to keep the fire alive, and fight the urge to let the passion die. Find the new, hot place to eat or take her to see a cool band that's in town. Have fun, laugh, and make sure you tell her how great she looks.

Craig Playstead is a freelance writer and father of three living in the suburbs of Seattle. In the past he's also been a sports writer, a game writer and a talk show host. You can reach him at playstead@hotmail.com

10 Steps to Being a Better Wife

2008-02-22T14:47:00.000-08:00

By Sharon O’Brien

Some guys might not realize this, but when most women get married they usually imagine cozy evenings by a fire, sharing their hopes and dreams with the men they love. Our Prince Charmings, however, sometimes turn into The Grinches Who Stole Romance, lying on the couch with a beer in one hand and a remote in the other. You may have noticed our displeasure about this on occasion.

However, in the interest of your willingness to cater to our needs (see "10 Ways to Be a Better Husband"), here's a list for the women out there. Ladies, instead of trying to fix your flawed but lovable husband, why not start by looking in the mirror? These 10 steps will help you re-energize your marriage and renew your appreciation for the former Mr. Perfect.

1) Take care of yourself
Turns out that the best thing you can do for your husband is also good for you. Eat healthy foods, maintain good grooming, and exercise regularly. You'll look and feel better, and you'll continue to be the vibrant and attractive woman he fell in love with, no matter your age.

2) Say thank you, often
When researchers ask men what they want from their wives, appreciation always makes the list. Everyone likes to be appreciated, so remember to notice the things your husband does—for you, for the kids, for the house—and thank him. You'll put a smile on his face and a little joy in his heart.

3) Keep the romance alive
When was the last time you planned a romantic interlude with your husband? If you can't remember, you're way overdue. Be affectionate, write love notes, give him a backrub, plan a date, and initiate sexual play. Remind him that you still find him attractive.

4) Let him have "guy time"
Everyone needs time for themselves—to relax, enjoy a hobby, or socialize with friends. If your husband loves football and you don't, don’t bug him about it. Encourage him to cultivate friendships with other men. He'll enjoy the companionship. Studies show that people with friends tend to live longer, healthier lives.

5) Make your husband a priority
With the everyday stresses of work, home, and kids, it's easy to take your husband for granted. Make time for the two of you to reconnect on a regular basis. Take an interest in his work and hobbies. Let him know he's important to you.

6) Don't try to change him
Are you outgoing, but your husband is shy? Do you like a clean house, but he leaves towels on the floor? Behavioral experts say you can't change others, you can only change yourself and how you react—so look for ways other than nagging to handle these situations. Compromise on social activities by making them shorter, or go by yourself. Place a laundry basket in the bathroom. And when he attends a party or puts dirty towels in their proper place, thank him. Positive reinforcement beats nagging every time.

7) Don’t make him guess—tell him what you want
It's easy to assume that the person who lives with you every day also knows you well enough to know what you want. Not true. Most of us view the world through our own needs and desires, so don't be surprised if your husband thinks that what you want is what he would want. If you want something specific—advice, a hug, or a red sweater for your birthday—let him know.

8) Cultivate friends and interests outside your marriage
Once you’re married, it's easy to shrink your social network to revolve around your husband. But no one person can meet all your needs, and it’s too much to expect your husband to be your partner, your lover, AND your best girlfriend. Make time for friendships outside your marriage. You'll have more fun and bring new energy to your relationship.

9) Let free time be free
Just as you need time to relax and unwind, so does your husband. He may not define it the way you do, though; while your idea of relaxing after work may be talking over a glass of wine [Maybe not wine. How about tea, coffee, Kool-aid, Vimto or something else] he may enjoy being quiet for awhile, reading the newspaper, or watching TV. Find a compromise so both your needs are met. And give him time to recharge by not over-scheduling weekends with home projects and shopping.

10) Believe in your husband, and let him know it
Men can display a lot of bravado, but like us they sometimes struggle with low self-confidence and feelings of failure. And because men approach the world as competitors, they sometimes end up feeling like losers. When he comes home, your husband needs to know that the person he values most in the world believes in him—especially when he doesn't believe in himself.

Sharon O'Brien is a licensed psychotherapist in Portland, Ore., who writes nationally about relationship and lifestyle issues.

Coming Back to Islam (My Story) Part 1

2008-02-21T11:30:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time I had tight network of friends. We used to party together, travel together and wreak havoc on any club scene. There was Caribbean carnival, the dancehall, live reggae/dancehall shows, the envious stares of girls who weren’t part of our crew and of course, the male groupies who longed to get close to us. When you saw me, you saw at least one member of my crew. No, we didn’t always get along but we’d surely make up after a heated argument. We were having a blast and enjoying our college years.No one ever thought it would come to an end. Then one day something happened to a member of the crew. [Cue sound effects]

I was growing tired of the partying. My conscience was nagging me. I was supposed to be on a temporary "break" from Islam. Yet, I was getting further and further way from it. I was supposed be sorting things out but my lifestyle left little room for contemplation or quiet reflection. I knew that I still wanted to be a Muslim. I wanted to live my life by the principles and guidelines Allah set for me. The question was how was I going to do that? My lifestyle up to that point had been one of carefree abandon. I answered only to myself. How could I go from “kickin’ it” to being an observant Muslim? And did being an observant Muslim mean a life of boredom? Would it mean a departure from my culture and identity?

One night my roommate and I were at a dancehall club. I was leaning against the wall observing my surroundings. Everyone appeared to be enjoying themselves. People were dancing, talking and having fun. However, I was not enjoying myself. My conscience was nagging me again. I started asking myself questions: Is this how you want to live your life? What if you were to die right here, in this space? How would you answer to Allah? And aren’t you tired of this scene? The more I stood there watching everyone have a good time the sicker I felt. I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. I needed to GET OUT. As my roommate and I made our way home, I told her I was tired of clubbing. I wanted to do something different, something else. “Like what?” she asked. I didn’t really know either.

I decided to cut back on partying. I began looking up masjids, resumed praying, and started studying Islam again. Fortunately for me, I found a masjid with “regular people” who were Muslim but they weren’t as strict in their interpretation of Islam as the people I had been around when I first came to Islam. I began to learn about the Salafi movement and its ideology. Up until that point I had no idea that the way I lived when I first took shahadah was part of an interpretation of Islam. I thought it was Islam. The more I studied the more I realized how possible it was to commit myself to being a Muslim again. I really could do it! The thought was exciting but scary.

After quietly going about my life for several months, I finally broke the news to my best friend and roommate at the time- I was done clubbing. I wasn't going to carnival, stage show or other parties anymore. I told her I decided to buckle down and practice my religion. She was brokenhearted. For four years we had been inseparable. We moved from the Midwest down to South Florida to live our dream. We did everything together and now I was telling her I wanted out. I wanted to live a lifestyle that was foreign to her. (Though she didn’t say it, I think she also felt it was boring and restrictive). Instead of offering me words of encouragement she said, “You tried to that before and it didn’t work. Did you forget?” I just smiled and told her this time would be different. I could tell she didn’t believe me. She, along with my other friends thought I was crazy.

Not long after that, Allah started testing my commitment to practicing Islam. Though I had grown tired of clubbing, it had been the only thing I ever did for fun. I didn’t know what to do with myself in my spare time and to be honest I started missing it. Coupled with that, the gap between my friends and I was widening every day. We lived completely different lifestyles. I was going to Jumah on Friday afternoons, they were in mall looking for the perfect outfit to wear that evening. I was praying, they were partying. I was lonely, they were going on dates. While I was at home at night, bored out of my mind, they were partying and having fun. My roommate would be getting ready for a night on the town and I’d be surfing the internet. (I hadn’t found Muslim friends yet). She would try to tempt me by asking in a sing-song voice, “Are you sure you don’t want to go out with us?” I’d shake my head no before my resolve weakened.

New Year’s Eve found me at home by myself, bored once again and broke. I could hear celebrations taking place all around me. I never felt so alone in my life. Moments later the phone rang. It was a friend of mine calling to ask me if I was interested in going to a reggae show with him. (He had back stage passes and VIP entrance!) The show was going to feature some of the top artists. I sighed. This was almost unfair. I explained that I’d retired from clubbing and concerts. He suggested a get together some our friends were having at their home. Once again, before my boredom got the best of me, I declined and told him I had to go. I shook my head in disbelief.

After that I spent many lonely nights in front of the television or on the internet. I would be lying if I said I didn’t question my decision to practice Islam again. Rather than give in to the thoughts I was having I started making du’a, asking for Allah’s assistance. I wanted to practice Islam. I wanted to do the right thing. I didn’t see how I was going to make it through. I needed help. Fortunately, Allah answered my du’a not long after that. I was invited to become part of an Islamic studies group at the masjid and two days after that I was introduced to a sister who would become one of my best friends. I was becoming stronger in my practice of Islam. I had a support network through my class, Muslim friends who encouraged me, a healthy, balanced understanding of Islam and life was looking up.

But that’s not where the story ends…TO BE CONTINUED

Why are you boycotting ISNA?

2008-02-20T12:19:00.000-08:00

Several people have emailed me privately to ask me why I’m boycotting the annual ISNA convention. Before I give you my reasons let me start off by saying the word “boycott” sounds a little strong. Yet when I think about my reasons for not attending anymore they’re beyond simply being “tired of it.” My reasons are pointed and purposeful. They’re both political and personal. Shall we begin?

Reason #1: Relevancy to my life

I’ve attended the ISNA convention three years in a row. Apart from one workshop about Africa or African-Americans, there was nothing else that spoke to my reality as a Black Muslim. Most of the workshops focused on American Muslim life from the perspective of immigrant Muslims or second generation immigrant Muslims- namely Desis. A central question that has run through each workshop and main lecture was “How do I develop an identity as an American and as a Muslim?” Another question was, “How do I navigate through the larger American society and culture?” As an African-American Muslim (and more pointedly as a ‘Jamerican Muslim’) I already know how to do those things. I don’t see any conflict between being Black and being a Muslim. And I certainly don’t have any questions about where I fit in American society. Furthermore, I am not seeking American (read: White, non-Muslim) approval or acceptance. Year after year it’s the same rhetoric and the same problems being discussed.

Reason #2: The Incident

I stepped into the conference room for the main lecture hoping to find a seat close to the front of the room. If I remember correctly, Hamza Yusuf, Zaid Shakir and a host of other well-known speakers were about to begin. I found a row with a bag resting on the aisle seat and a bag leaned against a chair about five seats down. I was delighted to see that no one had claimed the seats in the middle. I dropped my bags on the chair and went to the back of the room to get a drink of water. When I returned to my seat I saw a 30-something year old Pakistani woman rifling through my bags! I flew over to her just in time to hear her ask, “Whose bags are these?” I looked her squarely in the face and said “Mine.” I took my bag from her hands and sat down. I couldn’t believe what happened next. She approached me with her hand on her hip, a scowl on her face and yelled, “These seats are taken!” Though I was shocked by her tone (and the fact that she felt comfortable standing over me, scolding me like I was her child), I calmly looked her in the eye and said, “I don’t see anyone sitting here.” By that time a crowd was starting to gather. I told myself to stay calm because the last thing I wanted to do was cause a scene at an Islamic conference. The woman, still scowling with her hand on her hip said, “I put a bag over there [pointing to the aisle seat] and a bag over there [pointing to the bag five seats down] to mark the seats. I saved these for my family. They’re taken!” I could feel the anger rise from the bottom of my feet to the top of my head. I wanted to snatch her by her scrawny neck and mop the floor with her. I took a deep breath and looked at the people gathered around us. If I told this woman off, would they say I started it? If I refused to move would I be thrown out of the conference by security? Would I be “that Black woman” who caused a scene at ISNA? Furthermore, what would be the appropriate thing to do at this juncture? I decided it wasn’t worth it. I grabbed by bags and found a seat in the back of the room. The last thing I saw before I left was the woman’s triumphant smile…

Reason #3: The Rudeness:

Apart from the aforementioned incident, I was appalled by the number of people that would answer their cell phones, have conversations, or get up and walk around during the middle of a lecture. How rude! It happened in every single lecture I attended. At one point during the main lecture Imam Zaid actually asked people to turn off their cell phones and to show the speakers some respect. At times I had to strain to hear the lecture.

People would often bump into me without so much of an “excuse me.”

Before salah people would save places for their friends or family members who hadn’t arrived yet.

Then there was the whole shuttle situation. Oh boy! I, along with many other people, stayed at a hotel that was some miles away from the convention center. We had to rely on a shuttle to take us back and forth. (It was very inconvenient). When the last lecture of the evening concluded people would cut in line or push each other in order to get on the shuttle. One man actually tried to save four seats for his family members who were nowhere in sight, leaving the rest of us (including a pregnant sister) to stand. By then my patience had run low and I’d already been through “the incident.” I asked him, “Do you really expect everyone to stand while we wait for people who aren’t even here yet?” I sat down and refused to move. Eventually the pregnant sister sat down next to me. Just as we were about to take off the man’s wife and three kids came running up to the shuttle. I put on my headphones and looked out the window. I was not moving.

Reason #4: What about us?

Last year I watched as ISNA welcomed a Shi’a imam and talked about how we need to build an alliance between the Sunnis and Shi'as. Everyone was hopeful and cheering. I don’t have any problem with Shi’as. I haven’t had much contact with them and seldom think about them apart from the news headlines or the occasional non-Muslim who asks me the difference. The immigrant-African-American divide seemed far more significant to me than the Sunni-Shi’a division. As ISNA celebrated its representation of the Muslim community and the achievements of MYNA and the MSA, a question kept running through my mind, “What about the fact that the largest American Muslim movement to date, was holding a separate conference on the other side of town?” Why wasn’t anyone acknowledging that division? I didn’t need to be a Statistics major or an ISNA board member to notice that the African-American attendance to the annual convention was dwindling. (There were fewer African-Americans at last year’s convention than the year before and even fewer than the first time I attended).

As the excitement swirled around me I realized it was time for me to hang it up. Why was I wasting my time and money? Apart from the bazaar I wasn’t getting much out of it anyway. Maybe I was on the wrong side of town…

10 Random Thoughts

2008-02-18T10:30:00.000-08:00

1) There’s a man who calls the adhan at Jumah but it sounds like a song. I mean really, like a song- with the falsetto voice and everything! I’ve never heard anyone call the adhan that way. It’s almost hilarious. If I wasn’t Muslim I’d think it was a hymn. I’d ask someone, “Are you guys required to sing a hymn before the sermon starts?” Seriously…

2) Speaking of Jumah, the person who gave the kutbah on Friday talked about how much America needs Islam. He then went on say that “we” made the choice to come to this country and as a result, “we” are obligated to give the American people dawah. I was sitting there thinking, not all of us made the choice to come here, let’s get it right brother! If you want me to really talk it plain then I’d have to say that I don’t feel like the majority of Muslim immigrants do a very good job of giving dawah to non-Muslims. From what I’ve seen, many Muslim immigrants don’t know how to talk to the average non-Muslim about Islam. (Not on a comprehensive level anyway). They have no idea what it’s like to be a non-Muslim and can’t seem to understand why people would want to be anything other than Muslim. More often than not they speak from a position of superiority. And if you want me to be really, real with you I’d have to tell you that many Muslim immigrants seem to be primairly focused on giving dawah to White Americans. They feel so proud to have White Muslims in our midst. A shining moment for the Muslim community! By the same token, they don’t seem to have any interest in giving dawah to African-Americans or Chicanos. (Not that I think they would even know how relate to either group anyway).

3) BTW, I’m boycotting the ISNA convention this year.

4) We went to see “Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins” this weekend. I laughed until my stomach hurt! Martin is still funny as ever but Mike Epps stole the show. Sadly enough, I could relate to Martin’s character because I have family members like that.

5) Speaking of Martin, does anyone remember the character Jerome from Martin’s sit-com? Well, the maintenance man in my apartment complex reminds me of him. The resemblance is uncanny. He talks and acts like him too!

6) I was in line at the grocery store and I noticed the cashier kept staring at me. When I got to the front of the line she asked me where I was from. Since I didn’t want to confuse her by sharing my West Indian heritage I said, “Chicago”. She frowned and asked, “Why you wearing that on your head then?” I told her that I’m Muslim and then explained the purpose of hijab. She didn’t quite seem to get how I could be from Chicago and Muslim at the same time but she loved it when I told her the hijab distinguishes me from the non-Muslim women. She said, “I feel you. That’s how I am. I like to stand out in the crowd too!” I smiled and told her to have a good day. I look forward to seeing her again.

7) Can I just say it again, alhamdulillah, I love Imam Faheem Shuaibe! We listened to his online/teleconference seminar entitled, “The Reality of Love and Communication” last Wednesday. (Very informative)! Insha’allah he will give lectures the second Wednesday of every month. I can’t wait!

8) I’m so tired of men being commended for taking care of their kids. Isn’t that what they’re supposed to do anyway? No one commends women for hanging in there and taking care of the kids. That's like commending me for taking a shower everyday. Shouldn't I do that anyway?

9) Speaking of which, I'm absolutely stunned by the number of people who are STILL- in this day and age of HIV/AIDS, HPV, and STIs- having sex with multiple partners and using no protection. That includes Muslims who are falling in and out of marriages with no testing and little conversation about sexual health.

10) The city I moved to is boring and slow. I feel like I'm trapped in the movie Varsity Blues. Insha'allah we will be moving in November as promised. I'm a city girl to my heart and this just aint gonna cut it!

In other news: Jamerican's carnival withdrawal returns

2008-02-07T14:41:00.000-08:00

Somehow I thought I'd escape it this year but no. It's back! Every year since I came back to practicing Islam, I've suffered from carnival withdrawal. What is carnival withdrawal you ask? It's a combination of homesickness and a desire to participate in West Indian carnival production (i.e. permission to publically wuk up my waist to loud Soca music.)My friend emailed me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she was going to Trinidad carnival this year. I admit I was a little jealous but such is life. I'll get over it.

Some Muslims have told me that carnival is just a bunch of Jahiliyya (ignorance) and they are astounded that I would even miss it at all. They may be right but it doesn't change the way I feel. I grew up on Soca and Calypso. Once I became an adult I was breathing carnival; Caribana, Miami Carnival, Jamaica carnival and so on. I also loved going to the stage shows (like the one I posted above)which create the atmosphere of carnival. Maybe it's one of those things that you have to be a part of the culture (or have an appreciation of it) to understand.

As I've said in the past, I miss carnival not because I want to get drunk or display my nearly naked self in a carnival costume. I enjoyed dancing, eating some good Caribbean food, admiring the costumes and listening to music. In my view, carnival has always been a time to celebrate Caribbean culture.

It was a time to lose myself in the music...to break away and just feel di riddim. Not think about anything else but enjoying di vibes.

But as I said, I'll get over it...eventually...some day. *Sigh*

Why do converts to Islam change their name?

2008-02-06T14:08:00.000-08:00

Lately, it seems like people have been asking me this question. Most of the people who keep asking me the question are those who were “born into Islam” and from other countries. I was in a meeting for a Muslim organization and this brother (who apparently didn’t realize there were several converts in the room) asked, “Why do they change their names? What’s wrong with names like Jack or Karen? And what about their family lineage? They’re erasing it when they change their names!” The brother whom he was speaking to responded by saying, “I don’t get it either.” Since I’ve never been one to stay quiet, especially when I feel like someone is addressing me- after all I changed my name once I converted to Islam- I told them that people have different reasons for doing so. Some of it depends on the person’s culture, life experience and who gave them dawah before they converted. Here are the reasons why I personally chose to change my name:

Cultural reasons:
Most of my ancestors were brought to the United Stated States and the West Indies as slaves. When they arrived, the slave masters changed their African names. Not only were slaves given European/American first names but their surname was changed to the slave master’s surname. Once I learned this bit of history I didn’t see why I should carry on the legacy of a man who not only owned my family but deprived them of their freedom and deliberately erased their cultural and religious heritage. I did not feel any connection to my surname.

Life experience:
As for my first and middle names, I never liked them. When I was five years old I told my mother that I was going to change my name. I’m sure everyone thought it was so cute when I said that. They didn’t know how serious I was. I knew I was going to do it someday I just needed the means and of course, a name I felt comfortable with. I also did not feel an attachment to my first name because I seldom went by it. Like many West Indians (as well as African-Americans) I had another name I went by. My father called me “Phil” (a long story, trust me), my grandmother and other members of my Jamaican family called me “Sweetie” (as in the British way of saying candy) and my friends called me “Fee Fee” (please don’t ask.)

Dawah:
Lastly, when I converted to Islam, people not only assumed that I would take another name, they told me I should. They said I had to depart from my kaafir name. I was Muslim now and I needed to have a “Muslim name.” Whether I believed that or not, I’d already decided to do it anyway. I thought to myself, what better time. I’m becoming a new person. Why not take a name to reflect my new identity? So I chose one and didn’t legally change it until 2001.

So there you have it, my own personal reasons for changing my name. Once I finished telling the brother the aforementioned reasons he was forced to rethink his perception of converts who change their names. I also reminded him that some people change their name because of its meaning or what it stands for. For instance, a friend of mine was named after a Greek goddess. Once she became Muslim she didn’t feel comfortable having that name anymore (hence the reason for her name change.)

So, tell me, have you changed your name? Why or why not?

Maybe next time..

2008-02-05T12:30:00.000-08:00

I recently attended a lecture about Islamophobia and the war on terror. There were three panelists who spoke about different subjects; the depiction of Arabs and Muslims in the media, the legal aspects of the war on terror and one Muslim professor who talked about being a Muslim after 9/11. Overall I thought the lecture was useful and informative. I definitely learned some things. However, as time went on I noticed that the discussion turned towards the perceptions that Muslims in predominately Muslim countries have of Americans and vice versa (with immigrant Muslims acting as a kind of broker between the two groups). I just knew that someone (anyone) would put an end to this kind of binary, black and white conversation that was taking place. (After all, how could Muslims in predominately Muslim countries speak for those of us who actually live in America)? Unfortunately, the event came to a close with only a passing comment about the diversity that exists in the Muslim community. I left feeling a little upset; like I didn’t exist. Like an entire group of Muslims- African-American, African, Caucasian, Chicano/Latino, or West Indian- did not exist.

I started asking myself why there was no mention of African-American Muslims (who make up 50% of the Muslim community by some estimates). Why did no one mention the long history America has with Islam (including the voyages of Muslims to America before Columbus or that by some estimates 30% of the slaves who brought to America were Muslim?) There we were, at an American university, at an event co-sponsored by CAIR (the Council on American Islamic Relations), at the beginning of Black history month and no one even mentioned American Muslims. Eventually, my shock turned to anger. Once again, the Muslim immigrant perspective dominated the discussion. It became the only perspective.

When I was in the hallway I overheard two African-American brothers speaking. One of the brothers was asking, “How can you ignore an entire group of people?” I couldn’t resist. I walked over to them and told them that I didn’t mean to intrude but I was feeling the same way! We talked for a bit and I left feeling slightly better. At least I wasn’t alone in my thinking. I kept hearing the brother’s parting words in echoing in my head, “maybe next time sis.” I had my doubts but I smiled and said yes, “insha’allah, next time.” But I’m doubtful.

When I was a "new shahadah" (random thoughts) Part 2

2008-01-31T16:08:00.000-08:00

-Going to mixed gender gatherings (at someone’s apartment) and the men and women being separated into different rooms. Then I was told if I wanted to communicate with any brother I had to disguise my voice because if a brother heard my real voice I would be sexually arousing him. Haram.

-Believing that people who came from predominately Muslim countries really knew Islam and that those countries were virtual Islamic utopias. In the predominately Muslim countries people practiced the “true Islam”. If I went to live there I’d get to hear the adhan five times a day, wear hijab with no interference or problem, be treated with utmost respect because I am Muslimah (and a convert at that) etc. I never stopped to question why people left their “Islamic utopia” to come and live in the land of haram.

-Being told that an esteemed scholar saw a humongous jinn over New York City. (For years I was afraid to visit New York, lol).

-My wali telling me he had the perfect brother for me. When I asked who, he told me that he was the perfect brother for me.

-Being told that I should not work or seek an education. My job as a Muslimah was to support my husband by cleaning the house, taking care of kids, not making him upset and providing him with sex whenever he wanted it . Women who wanted to go out and work were just trying to emulate the Kufaar. They were influenced by the West and would have to answer to Allah about the mixed gender workplaces they went to everyday. The universities and colleges were even worse. I might be required to work on assignments with kaffar men or sit next to them in class.

-Being presented with a tree branch (miswaak) and being told from now on I had to brush my teeth with it. All toothpaste had pork in it and the bristles of toothbrushes were made of boar hair.

-When all of these rules became too much for my best friend at the time (who took shahadah the same day I did), she decided to leave Islam. I was told that I could not speak to her anymore. She had apostated from Islam and joined the ranks of the kufaar. She was not a good influence on me.

-Being told that I had to wear a long, choir robe looking dress (an abaya) whenever I went out the house. The longs skirts, long-sleeved shirts, baggy pants etc. were not acceptable. If I wore those things I was imitating the kufaar. There was a special place in hell for people who imitated the kuffar because they were no longer part of the ummah.

-Television, music, books written by non-Muslims, magazines, etc. were haram. I needed to get rid of those things immediately.

-I could not eat out of a pot or pan where pork had been cooked. Similarly, I could not eat off of dishes where pork had been eaten off of. (I lived at home with my parents who were not Muslim, what was I supposed to eat off of or cook food in?)

-Having some Muslims visit me at my family’s home and when we heard noises upstairs I was told that jinns were living in the house.

-Being told that my salah would not be accepted if I prayed in a house where there were images. Also, the angels would not enter such a place so I would not have their protection. (My parents had pictures all over the house. I was devastated and a little scared since the angels were not there to protect me from the jinns living in the house.)

Believe it or not, I could go on but I’ll stop here. Reading over the aforementioned makes me understand why I “took a break” from Islam for a while. It was too much! May Allah save us all.

When I was a "new shahadah" (random thoughts)

2008-01-30T15:47:00.000-08:00

The other day I was chuckling to myself as I thought about the silly and not so silly things people "taught" me about Islam when I first became a Muslim. Most of them turned out to be untrue. Many of them were superstitions or traditional cultural beliefs mixed with Islam. Some were true but were delivered at the inappropriate time or in the correct manner. Oh the things people told me!

I remember:

-Being terrified of Jinns. No one ever explained that there are good jinns and bad jinns. No one ever said that Allah is the controller of all affairs and that I should concern myself with understanding who Allah is rather than fearing his creation. (See, that is why people should wait until a person as the proper understanding of the basic tenets of Islam before you start telling them about the unseen.)

-Being terrified of dogs (not that I was ever much a dog lover to begin with.) Someone told me that all dogs had jinns inside of them.

-Being told that Allah would hang me from the hellfire by my hair if I did not wear hijab. Again, no one ever explained the benefits of hijab to me. Just punishment after punishment if I didn't wear it. In reality, I was wearing it but I really didn't know why Allah commanded me to do it. I just didn't want to face the wrath of Allah. (And I really felt like if I stepped out the house without the hijab something would happen to me.)

-Believing that my wudu was broken if my foot touched the bathroom floor.

-Being told that women had to go into sujood differently than men. Instead of going straight down, women had to bow kind of tilting to the side!

-Being told that Taraweeh was a requirement during Ramadan. (Without being told how to pray it, btw.) I was near tears when it was explained that Taraweeh consisted of 20 rakahs!!! 20 rakahs that I had to pray every single night of Ramadan. I was still getting accustomed to praying five times a day.

-(Speaking of the daily salah). Initially, I didn't know that I was required to pray five times a day or even how I was supposed to do it. I remember someone saying they would teach me how to pray.

-I took shahadah on Sunday in the masjid. No one told me about Jumah or Eid. I remember going to the masjid on Eid-ul-Fitr (to pray) and finding everyone dressed to the nines. People were saying "Eid Mubarak" to me and I was like, "huh?" I don't even remember when I discovered Jumah.

-Being told that I had to change my name.

-Being told the only way I could "be with a man" is to get married. I was 17. At that age (prior to converting) all I ever thought about was boys and having a boyfriend. So, in my brain I was saying "well, now that I'm Muslim I'll have to get married then." Imagine my parents' shock when I started talking about getting married at 17!

-Being taught how to say "thank you" and "you're welcome" in my new "Islamic language." (i.e. Arabic) LOL.

TO BE CONTINUED...

Sometimes it's hard being a hijabi/convert

2008-01-27T16:35:00.000-08:00

Alhamdulillah, the video posted above gave me a little inspiration. I have days or times when being a hijabi/convert are really difficult. In my new city (unlike the old one) hijabi women are not very visible. So far, I've only seen one woman in hijab outside of the masjid. I've already had one very frustrating situation. Let me tell you about it:

Early one morning we were in the bedroom sleeping and the apartment manager knocked on the front door. My husband answered and then he came back into the room to tell me to get dressed because a guy needed to come in to inspect the apartment. Half asleep I threw on an abaya and hijab, then made my way out to the living room. The apartment manager was standing in the doorway. She turned to my husband and asked, "Is she gonna be staying here?" Even though she didn't direct her question to me (something I find very rude by the way), I yawned and said yes I was staying. She turned to my husband and asked "Does she speak English?" WTH? "Of course I speak English!" I spat back at her. She apologized saying she didn't hear me the first time. Still she ignored me and told my husband that "she" needs to come down to the rental office and fill out an application since "she" is staying. Needless to say I was pissed. I understand she needed me to fill out the paperwork since I wasn't here when he first got the apartment but she was very rude. I told my husband I'm not going into the office by myself. I need a witness there just in case she says something else offensive.

It's amazing how someone can step into your life for a brief moment and make you feel like crap. The aforementioned incident is one of many that I have endured since I started wearing hijab over 6 years ago. Some days I can laugh at these incidents. Other days I become enraged by the stereotyping and bigotry. Then there are days when I simply feel hurt by them. Maybe if they didn't happen so suddenly, so unexpectedly it would be easier. But as many of you know, racist incidents tend to catch the recipient off guard. You're floating along, minding your own business and BAM racism smacks you in the face.

I'm tired y'all. Really tired of dealing with other people's racist beliefs, stereotypes, and prejudices. I'm tired of people assuming they know my country of origin, my comprehension of the English language, my beliefs or even who I am. I know it's a part of the struggle. And I know, at the end of the day, I'm in a unique position where I can challenge people's perceptions of Muslim women. However, that doesn't mean I don't get tired, you know?

Jamerican's Favorite Things

2008-01-23T15:25:00.000-08:00

If Oprah can have her list so can I!

1) A pocket-sized Qu’ran. Knowledge anytime and anywhere. Determined only by wudu, lol.

2) My 2007 Toyota Matrix. Alhamdulillah, I was able to get this car. Everyone who knows me says it suits me. (I have yet to hear exactly how but I take their word for it).

3) Red Velvet Cake. If you ask me it's the best in the world. My mouth is watering just thinking about it now.

4) My Sandisk Sansa mp3 player. No, it's not an ipod but it's working for me. Initially I felt like I needed a PhD in order to understand how to use it but I have it now.

5) My Library card. 'Nuff said.

6) Incense. I like to pray with a nice smelling incense burning. I feel more relaxed that way.

7) Shukronline pants. Oh, how I love them. Wide legs, baggy fit, nice look.

8) Gelato or Italian ice cream. Once you're had this stuff it will be hard to go back to eating regular ice cream- trust me! Oh, and it has less fat than American ice cream. My friend Indiigo took me to this Italian spot in Seattle that has the best Gelato I've tasted so far. By day two I was scratching like a junkie asking for her to take me back again, lol. Thanks girl, you know how to hook a sista up!

9) Clinique's Happy Still love this perfume after all these years. It smells great on me without being overbearing. My hubby said he loves how I smell. I didn't tell him to thank Clinique. (I won't tell if you don't, lol).

10) Bangles and bracelets Some people can't leave home without their American Express, I can't leave home without a bracelet or a bangle hanging from my wrist. I feel naked without 'em.

Homesickness (again)

2008-01-21T12:13:00.000-08:00

I'm missing Jamaica right now. Every once in a while I have waves of homesickness. Sometimes it comes on really strong, other times I’m able to ignore the pangs until they subside. I think I’m dealing with the latter right now. I’ll get through it soon, insha’allah. I also have bouts of missing South Florida (which is connected to missing Jamaica since it’s like Jamaica remixed.) *sigh* Some time last year I wrote this poem and posted it on my myspace page. In honor of my homesickness I’ll repost it here:

When I think of Jamaica I think of…

The thunderous beat of dancehall blasting from speakers. Selecta pull up dat! Go deh Mi gyal! Watch yah noooowww!

The cool and easy sway of lover's rock.

Ackee and saltfish. Sorrel. Green, yellow, and black. Out of many, one people.

Black cake. Devon House ice cream. Coodeh! Niyabingi. Natural beauty.

The raucous voices of women in the market. Tourists toasting on the beach. Dunns River falls. Treasure Beach. Nuff struggle but we know how to relax. Life hard but we stay strong.

Conch shells. My grandmother saying "who cyan hear mus' feel" or "What sweet nanny goat a go run him belly" and so many more. Clear blue waters. Bright colors. Cricket matches.

Dettol and Horlicks. Jerk chicken. Hear her nuh, "Sweetie, yuh can go by Missa Chin and buy mi a ting nuh?" Phrased like a question but really an order. Kiss teeth but not too loud. Going by Missa Chin. Coming back an hour later because mi "love chat". Hear her nuh, "what tek yuh so long, mi start fret!"
Just smile and hand her the package.

Anansi story. Hosay. Roti. Dem man calling "Coolie gyal!" and me remembering they're talking about me.

TVJ. Sunday morning and she asking "yuh nah go a church?" Trying to explain, I'm Muslim now. And no, dat nuh mean seh mi tun Arab, cha! She clutch her Bible and kiss her teeth...loud.

Home. Warmth. A place where I can feel like myself. A little strange but mi deh yah. Touching down and throwing off my American accent. Finding my voice again. It come back easy easy.

Politics. "So you family live in JLP area?" What dat have to do
with me? Mi live a farrin'. Taxi driver shouting, "London!, Sav! Grange!" and in he same breath whispering "sexy gyal".

Passing by dem man on the corner hearing a faint whisper of 'angel' or 'sweetness'. As I cross the road, "weh yuh man miss lady? Gimme a bly nuh." Trying not to smile but thinking,
you gotta love Jamaican man.

Always making sure mi behave like "me have mannas". Saying "good evening" or "good night" when I call or enter the room.
Remembering not to drink straight from bottle- 'like some common gyal'. Press out yuh clothes. Always wear a slip under yuh frock. Don't go near dem wutless bwoy. Find a respectable, decent man like Miss Mavis son, yuh hear mi gyal?

Johnny cake. Doctor bird. Easter bun.

Oh, how I could go on. But this is what comes to mind when I think of Jamaican culture!

Ever felt a song was written just for you?

2008-01-20T16:26:00.000-08:00

I swear he wrote this one for me!

Getting settled in...

2008-01-18T12:40:00.000-08:00

I have to admit, I have a difficult time getting used to change. You'd think I'd be used to it given the amount of times I've moved. But no. I'm trying to adapt to my new surroundings as much as I can. I refused to sit at home another day so I decided to venture out and go to Jumah. My hubby gave me full directions and even called me to make sure I arrived home safely. (So special!) Anyhow, the Muslim community is a lot smaller here. I'm not sure what to make of it at this point but Jumah was cool. Of course it took me like 15 minutes to get out of the parking lot. (We all know how the masjid parking lot situation goes!) Insha'allah I will venture out some more. This city is very confusing and to top it off, I'm directionally challenged. That's why I loved living in South Florida; North, South, East and West are clearly laid out. Insha'allah I will figure it out soon...

Alhamdulillah, I got a call for a job interview next week. Make du'a for me. This is an organization I've wanted to work for, for the longest time. And the job is perfect for do-gooder types like me. *smile*

We took the plunge

2008-01-15T13:39:00.000-08:00

Subhanallah, it finally happened. I’m married now! It seems like it took us forever to get here. As planned we had a small ceremony followed by a dinner with my family. So here I am now in my new city. I can’t say I completely dislike it. It’s a lot slower and the people are different. I think I need to give it time and also need to find a job. (Right now I'm a housewife!) Once I do that maybe I’ll have a different perspective.

Alhamdulillah, I’m pleased with my new husband. It’s so unlike the last time I was married. I mean, it feels different. I feel content. I don’t feel like I’m faking it or forcing anything. It just “is”. I thank Allah for blessing me with someone who is as driven and focused as I am. More importantly, I thank Allah for blessing me with a man who is so patient. (You definitely need a lot of patience to deal with me!)

5 Things I Think Everyone Should Know About Being a Muslimah; Being Me

2008-01-07T18:37:00.001-08:00

1) I am not Arab, Pakistani, or East African. I’m African-American and Jamaican; a Jamerican. Yes, there are Muslims in the Caribbean and yes there are American Muslims. Do not assume when you see me in my hijab that I’m from another country. I speak English (and Jamaican patois). You don’t have to speak to me in a slow, measured tone. Then I’ll just get angry and the ghetto will come out of me- take your pick- Southside Chicago or Kingston, Jamaica.

2) I am not passive and I’m not oppressed. (Anyone who knows me knows that I’m far from being either). I’m a strong woman. I made the decision to convert to Islam when I was 17 years old. I’m the only Muslim in family. Therefore, the decision to practice Islam rests on me alone. I could essentially walk away from this way of life (May Allah forbid such a thing) with no consequence or pressure from my family. In fact, I’m sure some of them would be delighted...

3) The Muslim community is not monolithic. Muslims range in practice, belief, application and understanding of Islam. Despite what some Muslims and non-Muslims would like to believe, there is no “single Islam.” You’ll find Muslims who are very strict, very loose and everywhere in between. So, don’t come to me and ask me questions like, “well, my friend Muhammad said Muslim women have to wear the veil over their face, why don’t you have it on?”

4) If I choose to wear hijab it’s my business. Don’t take your stereotypes, assumptions and misperceptions and place them on me. Just as you made the decision to wear whatever you have on, I have done the same. I don’t need you to speak for me and certainly don’t need you to “free” me. Furthermore, I think it’s arrogant (and quite racist) to assume that because I don’t dress like you or behave like then something must be wrong with me. Been there, done that- hated it!

5) I love being a Muslimah. I am not ashamed of my way of life and I’m happy with my decision. All the self-imposed “restrictions” you see as oppressive and passé are quite comfortable to me. And you know what, they look damn good on me. Holla!

Who are you voting for?

2008-01-03T17:07:00.000-08:00

This is the question people keep asking. Several people have insisted that I vote for Barack Obama. Others have said it's all about Hilary Clinton. Just to mess with people, I look them straight in the eye, without cracking a smile and tell them I'm voting for Mike Huckabee and if not him then Mitt Romney. LOL. I'm so devious. You should see the looks on the faces of my liberal and leftist friends. Oh boy!

So who am I voting for? The truth is, I don't know. I have issues with each candidate. Let me lay it out for you:

Hillary Clinton: She's a snake. Not someone I'd trust at all. I know how much Black folks love the Clintons. We're some fools though. I wish everyone could read Randall Robinson's book called, The Debt: What America Owes to Blacks. He talks about the Clinton administration and how they undermined the growth of Black Americans and hurt the Caribbean's economic development as well. Yeah, no thanks.

Barack Obama: I'm sorry but this dude just is not doing it for me. I have to agree with the political analysts (and surprisingly Hillary Clinton) when they say that he doesn't have enough experience. I've watched a couple of the debates and he's done a poor job in my opinion. Some Black folks have pretty much told me I should vote for him because he's Black. Uh...no! Are we still operating of off such silly notions? C'mon people! Is brown skin the only requirement? Well, what about Clarence Thomas, he has brown skin...

John Edwards: Who? I'm just kidding. But seriously, I really do forget about him. He's boring. I found myself yawning as I was listening to him speak on "The Today Show" this morning. He's the same ole, dry, boring politician. You could substitute him with any White, male, democrat with a carefully coiffed hair cut. (And didn't he spend thousands of dollars on a haircut at one point?) YAWN! At least Obama and Clinton are interesting.

Mike Huckabee: Evangelical Christian, right wing, conservative. I don't need to say anymore. Says, Huckabee, "I will take our country back for those who belong here. No open borders, no amnesty, no sanctuary, no false Social Security numbers, no driver's licenses for illegals." Those who belong here? Hmm...we know who "they" think doesn't belong here...it at aint you my friend and it aint me. Why doesn't he just come out and say, "America is a White, Christian country. The rest of you don't belong here."

Mitt Romney, John McCain (i.e. George Bush), and Rudy Guliani:
This is my answer:

So, what am I left with? No independent candidate. And really no one that moves me. Let's just call it indecision 2008, shall we?

I'm feeling this song and this dude! (Warning: contains some profanity)

2008-01-02T13:32:00.000-08:00

"I'm fearless
Now hear this
I'm earless
And I'm peerless
That means I'm eyeless
Which means I'm tearless
Which means my iris resides where my ears is
Which means I'm blinded
But I'mma find it I can feel it's nearness
But I'mma veer so I don't come near
Like a chicken or a deer
But I remember I'm not a listener or a seer so my windshield smear
Here, you steer, I really shouldn't be behind this, clearly cause my blindness
The windshield is minstrel, the whole grill is roadkill, so trill and so sincere."
-Lupe Fiasco "Dumb It Down"
That was golden. I think I'm falling back in love with hip hop. *sigh* I hope he never decides to dumb it down. Big up Lupe!

Confession: I Wanna Have a Baby

2007-12-31T15:51:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm saying it either. Up until now I've relished in the fact that I've been 100% kid free. I can get up and go when I please, spend all of my money on myself and only have to think about taking care of myself. It has been a nice feeling, I can't deny it. But something has happened to me all of a sudden. I don't know if it's turning 33 or what but I'm really starting to feel "the baby itch." I was thinking about it today and I was asking myself, why are you making such a big deal about this? You can handle it. And you know what, I think I can. I just have to stop being afraid. Stop worrying about losing my independence or freedom. The rest is up to Allah.

Books I'd Like To See As Movies

2007-12-30T13:06:00.000-08:00

Author Marie-Elena John

I love reading and I love watching films. I think a book can be turned into an excellent movie if the production, screen writing, actors etc. are right for the part. There' something to be said for seeing your favorite characters come to life in a movie. Here are five books I'd like to see turned into movies:

1) Leone Ross/All the Blood is Red

Synopsis: All the Blood is Red tells the story of four very different black women in 90s London. There is Jeanette, the original good-time girl, whose enthusiastic promiscuity defines her freedom; Nicola, a beautiful actress who creates an alter-ego to face the world and her own insecurities; Alexandrea, a borderline alcoholic who finds herself sexually harassed by a man she trusts and the mysterious Mavis, whose disembodied tale of prostitution in Jamaica weaves a poignant voice throughout the novel. These four women are brought together when one of them is savagely raped by a black man, and they discover that those who wear the cloak of friendship - family, community, lovers, peers -often cause the greatest pain, the pain of rejection and violation. This is the story of three women who learn how to love and be loved, how to be strong, how to be free...and of one woman who does not.

2)Marie-Elena John/Unburnable

Synopsis:
This compelling first novel traces the fortunes of three generations of women from the small Caribbean Island of Dominica. Matilda, descended from African slaves, was a famous healer and possible murderer. The story of her hanging was handed down in songs. Her daughter, Iris, was famous as the jilted lover of a rich man and the victim of a horrific rape. Her subsequent insanity and death also became legendary. Iris' daughter, Lillian, was raised by her devoutly Catholic stepmother. Until the age of 15 she remains unaware that the infamous women of song are her legacy. Now living in Washington, D.C., the fragile, adult Lillian returns to Dominica to try to unravel the history of her family. The richly told narrative alternates between time periods, building suspense and compassion for all of the characters. Marta Segal Copyright © American Library Association.

3) Leila Aboulela/Minaret

Synopsis:
Aboulela's U.S. debut is written in the voice of Najwa, an upper-class Sudanese woman, and covers, episodically, 20 years of her life. A Khartoum teen, Najwa flees to London with her mother and brother when the coup of 1985 leads to her father's arrest and execution. With her mother soon dead and her brother in jail on drug charges, Najwa attempts to negotiate work, love and the ways they get twisted around emigré politics—and religion. An affair begun in Khartoum with devout, politically engaged, working-class fellow émigré Anwar is threaded in with a later one with Tamer, the contentiously devout, college-age son of the family for which Najwa works as a nanny when in her 30s. The denouements of the two relationships, though separated by more than 10 years, come one after the other; both lead, painfully, to a deepening of Najwa's religious faith.

4) Andrea Levy/Fruit of the Lemon

Synopsis:
Levy's follow-up to the Orange Prize– and Whitbread-winning Small Island explores how racism reveals itself to a young British-born woman of Jamaican descent, and how the pain can be healed by knowledge of one's roots. Faith Jackson is having a rough go after college: she's fired from her apprenticeship at a prestigious textile designer's and her parents are planning to move back to Jamaica. Though Faith has experienced racism throughout her life, she begins to fear her ethnicity will hobble her career. As she becomes more aware of subtle forms of racism at her entry level job in the BBC costume department and elsewhere, she witnesses a hate crime and, in its aftermath, is sent to Jamaica by her parents for a helpful holiday. It's there, in the second half of the book, that Faith learns a great deal about her extended family and understands why her parents may want to return. Copyright © Reed Business Information, a division of Reed Elsevier Inc. All rights reserved.

5) Meera Syal/Life Isn't All Ha Ha Hee Hee

Synopsis: Meera Syal's second novel features a trio of close and somewhat unlikely childhood friends. Sunita, a former law student and activist, has married her university sweetheart Akash, and is settled into a life of overweight, underappreciated motherhood. Tania is a raven-maned beauty who's rejected marriage and anything traditionally Asian for a high-flying TV career and a compliant Indophile boyfriend. And then there's Chila. Innocent, kind, funny Chila, with her simple soul and her glass animal collection, has just, to everyone's amazement, snared Deepak--the "most eligible bachelor within a twenty-mile radius." What comes after that, alas, is infidelity and envy and betrayal. True to its stoic title, Life Isn't All Ha Ha Hee Hee encompasses not only the strengths but the limits of female friendship. Yet the author retains her sense of humor and cross-cultural irony to the very end. --Lisa Gee

Happy Birthday to Me!

2007-12-26T15:16:00.000-08:00

Yes, today I turned 33! Suprisingly I'm not sad about "getting older". I'm grateful for every year Allah has given me. (And I suppose it helps that I don't look 33 either!)

I've pretty much avoided the big birthday celebrations or trying to focus this day on me. One of my co-workers bought me coffee and another bought me lunch. My mom and my sister also have gifts for me. I think that'll be the extent of my birthday celebration.

Alhamdulillah for another year.

Why Did You Delete the Marriage Blog?

2007-12-26T08:22:00.000-08:00

I made the painful decision to delete the marriage blog. Why? Because I didn't want it to be a source of fitnah for anyone. Unfortunately, some people were reading the blog like they would a tabloid.

My intention in creating the blog was not so that people can try to figure out who I was speaking about in the examples I gave. My intention was not to provide fodder for gossip or for people to derive some sort of perverse sense of pleasure off of my misery or the misery of others. My intention was to highlight the struggle, sorrows, up and downs, joys and triumphs of single/divorced Muslimahs using myself and my experience as an example. (With a few anecdotes from the lives of other sisters I've had the pleasure of knowing in my life). I also wanted to address issues that are often swept under the rug in the Muslim community. More importantly, I wanted to give voice to my experience.

Unfortunately, some people in my local community have discovered the blog. I fear that some of them will use my words against me. I'm afraid that they will not understand the point I was trying to make but instead twist its meaning. I'm afraid they will take my personal business and gossip about it rather than to use the information to promote much needed dialogue. I also don't want them to make assumptions about which sisters I'm speaking of in my anecdotes. The fact of the matter is, I've lived in several different cities, travel reguarly, and I communicate with sisters (and brothers) across the country and around the globe . Some of them have shared their experiences with me so that I could address issues they've dealt with in my blog. My world is not so small that I have to draw every anecdote and situation from my local community. (Some people need to grow up!) The other thing is, I'd often change the location and sequence of events so that individuals' identity remained protected. The only person I really put on blast was myself (and with good reason I hoped.) Yet, in the end it all comes down to this; fitnah, gossip, assumptions, and the like. I don't want any part of that.

I apologize to all of the sisters (and brothers) who commented on the blog and/or emailed me privately to thank me for boldly discussing issues that were affecting our community and our sisters. In the end, blame the blog's demise on haters and gossip mongers.

History, Culture and Memory

2007-12-24T11:21:00.000-08:00

Recently, I was having a discussion with a couple of my co-workers and a few of my interns about family memorabilia. They discussed old family recipes, jewelry and so on. Everyone who knows me knows that I love history. More than anything I love African-American and Caribbean history. (Hence my major in college). As we were talking about families and history, I mentioned that my fiance actually has a copy of the deed which shows the slave master who owned his family. I said I wished I could find a document like that. I talked about the little I did know of my maternal family's history which includes clear evidence of sharecropping. When I finished my little spiel, I noticed that everyone was quiet and looked uncomfortable. We eventually moved on to another subject.

Later on, when I thought about the silence and how uncomfortable my White co-workers (and interns) were, I became angry. I felt like they didn't want to be reminded of America's "dirty past". They wanted to have a light-hearted conversation about family legacy. They didn't want to face the fact that while their families enjoyed the good life, my family legacy consisted of segregation, Jim Crow, sharecropping, and slavery. Many people today (including some Black people) want to forget. They say we need to "get over it" and "move on". I've also heard the suggestion that Black people use slavery as a crutch. (See my eyes rolling).

The fact remains that slavery is a part of America's history. Not only is it a part of national history it is a part of my family history. If I refuse to talk about slavery or to acknowledge the historical struggle of my people I am essentially cutting myself off from my cultural and familial background. I'd basically be erasing myself. And I have to ask myself why someone would ask me to do that. Why? Is it to make White people feel comfortable? To ease their sense of guilt? Is it so that some Black people can forget the past and the shame some of them carry about it? I don't know. But, insha'allah I will not do it. Apart from a few quacks here and there, I've never heard any suggest that the Jews should simply "get over" the Holocaust. I don't see people sighing and rolling their eyes at the mere mention of the Holocaust. Nor do I see, like I have recently, people actually becoming angry at the mention of the Holocaust. So, why is the reaction to the African-American Holocaust so strong? After all, historians estimate at least 1 million Africans died during the Middle Passage alone! I don't think I need to delve any further into the history.

The fact remains that I can't forget slavery even if I wanted to. Slavery (and all the that followed afterwards) is the reason why I can only trace back my familial history a few generations. It's the reason my family is so fractured and devastated. It's the reason why I speak Jamaican patois and African-American dialect. It's the reason why I eat greens and "play mas." More importantly, it's the reason why I can't sit around with my White co-workers and discuss beautiful jewelry and a rich family history. Is that my fault? Hmm...

I Confess...

2007-12-20T17:20:00.000-08:00

I used to wish Patti Labelle was my mama. (She's just so divalicious!) I remember when it started; she was playing Dewayne Wayne's mama on A Different World.

I haven't been home to Jamaica in almost 4 years.

I was hurt when I found out Kanye West is engaged. Was hurt even more when I saw his fiance- yeah, I know, get a life Jamerican!

I used to have a crush on an imam. I also had a crush on my halaqah teacher. *bows head in shame*

I'm a bonafide girly girl. 100% femininity. And I'm prissy too!
I bought myself Eid gifts; Mary J. Blige's new CD, Lupe Fiasco's new CD, a pair of socks, some bangles and new gloves.

I have way less money than people think I have.

I sometimes miss clubbing.

Every man's mama who has ever met me loved me. I guess that makes me the type of woman you can bring home to mother.

I'm a loner. I enjoy being by myself most of the time. Being around people on a regular basis leaves me feeling exhausted.
I'm a lotion freak. I have three different types of lotion in my purse, one on my desk at work, and at least six different types at home. When I go to Target or Walgreens I make a conscious effort to avoid the aisle with lotion.
I'm tired of being strong all the time. I just want to be taken care of for once. I've never enjoyed the luxury. And I've never trusted a man enough to let him take care of me.
I wanted to cuss someone out today.

Salatul Mahgrib

2007-12-17T16:24:00.000-08:00

He is Allah, the Creator, the Evolver, the Bestower of Forms (or Colours). To Him belong the Most Beautiful Names: whatever is in the heavens and on earth, doth declare His Praises and Glory: and He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise. (Quran, 54:29)

My mom's cat normally comes to pray with me. I took the picture posted above to prove it. Today when I called the iqama she entered the room and sat down as I prayed. While I was in between Mahgrib and my sunnah salaat I decided to grab my cell phone and take the picture posted above. (Yeah, she's not exactly facing the kiblah but I'm sure she's allowed). Mashallah, it's the most beautiful thing. Sometimes she will lay down beside me and other times she will sit like she is in the picture. She'll stay like that until the fard salaat is over. Subhanallah, she knows when it's finished too.

Am I becoming a crazy cat lady?

My Current Playlist

2007-12-13T19:38:00.000-08:00

1)Alicia Keys “Wreckless Love.” I’m not really an Alicia Keys fan. I liked a couple songs on “The Diary of Alicia Keys” but I’vie never felt compelled to purchase any of her music. All of that has changed now. I’m madly in love with the aforementioned song. I can't stop listening to it! As far as the entire CD is concerned, I think she did a great job this time around. Her music has matured and she’s finally “sangin’.”

2) Kanye West “Can’t Tell Me Nothing.” Another artist I’m not really a fan of. I find Kanye West to be a little on the arrogant side. Yeah, he has a different kind of style and he's reppin' my hood (southside Chicago) but he's not a lyricist. Besides, something about him has always annoyed me. When “Graduation” dropped I decided to give it a listen just see what all the hype was about. Why did I do that? Now I’m diggin’ the CD and I'm definitely feelin' this song. It just strikes a chord in me. If I was as crazy as I sometimes feel, I'd stand on my desk at work and sing the chorus at the top of my lungs: "La, la, la wait til I get my money right/la, la, la then you caint tell me nuthin' riiiight!" Yes world, I’m coming out- I like Kanye West! Oh the shame...

3) Tessanne "Hideaway." Someone told me this song was originally sang by the Dixie Chicks. I've never listened to them before so I wouldn't know. But my girl Tessanne is singing this tune! I like the way the song blends reggae, rock, and a little dancehall together. I admit it, when I'm in the car by myself I sing this song like I'm live on stage.

4) Queen Ifrica “Below Waist.” Ahh, the refreshing lyrics and conscious tunes of a true Rasta woman. It came right on time! I’ve been very disappointed with the state of dancehall lately. It’s as bad as some of the hip hop with the cursing and vulgarity. That’s why I’m loving Queen Ifrica. This tune portrays a real side of relationships/marriage. It's a little humorous too.

5) Wyclef Jean feat. Sizzla “Welcome to the East”. Wyclef used to irritate me like no tomorrow. Something about his voice or style grated on my nerves. I don’t know what happened but I’m feeling his new CD. A close runner up to “Welcome to the East” is a song he has with T.I. called “Slow Down.” Sak Pase!

6) Jill Scott “Epiphany.” I’m a Jill Scott fan all day. Her new CD is rather…um…sensual (to say the least.) I can’t say much more about this song. I probably shouldn’t be listening to it. I'm getting the point though.

7) Mario “Skippin.’” My best friend has been raving about Mario’s new music. I thought she was trippin’ until I listen to the CD and was blown away. Mario has grown up and you can hear it in the music. Tight vocals, production and lyrics. This will be my one CD purchase for the next few months. “Skippin’” is my favorite track.

8) J. Holiday “Bed.” Yeah, I know! I feel like a teenager for listening to this song. I can no longer fake it though. I like it. *singing* “Watch the sunlight peek over the horizooooon…”

9) Alaine “Sincerely.” I’m anxiously awaiting the release of her CD. Alaine is a Jamerican like me. She has a light, feathery voice that glides over any reggae beat. Yeah, she whines a little sometimes but she’s allowed. Gwaan Miss Alaine!

10)Hope “Who Am I to Say?” This song is from the "Why Did I get Married?" soundtrack. Naturally, I first heard it during one of the scenes in the movie. I looked the artist up on myspace and found out she's not even signed to a label yet. I've written plenty of poems to this song. Thanks for the inspiration Hope!

11) Wayne Wonder feat Trina “For My Love.” I wish I could edit Trina out of this song. Her voice sounds like nails on a chalkboard. I like Wayne Wonder’s voice on the track and I like the rhythm. I recently found out Wayne Wonder lived down the street from my old place in South Florida. I never saw him though...

Why is it so hard?

2007-12-12T17:20:00.000-08:00

As soon as Ramadan finishes I usually make up the days I missed right away. However, this time the days got away from way from me and now I find myself struggling to complete the four days I owe. Alhamdulillah, I fasted Monday and yesterday but I find myself wanting to put off the rest of the days. I keep telling myself, you can complete the other days before December is finished, what's the rush?

EHHHHHHHHHHH! Why is this so difficult for me? Why can't I just do it? Is my will power really this weak? I'm forcing myself to fast tomorrow, insha'allah. The question is, when will I complete the other days? My office has "tea time" on Friday, insha'allah and since one of my interns is leaving, I have to be present for it.(Drinking tea of course). Saturday I have lunch with my co-workers, insha'allah.

So I guess I'm looking at Sunday and Monday insha'allah. Then fasting for The Day of Arafah. That leaves me one day to make up. Hmm, maybe I'm not so bad after all...

Le weekend

2007-12-10T12:51:00.000-08:00

Friday afternoon my sister called me and told me she was over at my mom's house. She wanted to know if I was planning to go to the mosque (for the Friday night lecture) or if I was coming home. I know she's waiting for the day when I'm going to make my
Jamaican oxtail. She's afraid she's going to miss it even though I told her I'd call her when I make them. She's been eyeing the oxtail every time she comes over, lol. We ended up going to get Somali food and chillin' at home. It was FREEZING outside. The temperature was like -14 or something crazy. Needless to say, I wasn't trying to be outside any longer than I had to.

Saturday night was "ladies night out". I only recently became a part of the outing. It's basically like 7 or 8 African-American Muslim sisters who get together every other Friday or Saturday night and do something together. This time we went to eat Thai food and then we went to see a play. The play was written by an Iranian women and depicted the oppression she suffered in Iran. We had a lively discussion about it afterwards because most of the group hated it and a few people liked it. As you can imagine, if you know anything about Iran, the play had a classic anti-hijab theme, a scene with a woman leading salaat (with the men behind the women) and some discussion about Islam. I felt, overall, the playwright fed right into the western media stereotype about Islam and Muslim women. I felt like the message it left the audience with was "I'm so free now that I've taken off my hijab and have disobeyed Allah". It was a weird dynamic to be there and watch the play since all seven of us showed up in hijab.

Don't get me wrong here, I understand and have great sympathy for the struggles Iranian women face. Islam or hijab were never forced on me. I chose to be Muslim and I chose to wear hijab. Furthermore, Islam has functioned as source of peace and liberation for me. I don't know it as anything different so I admit my bias here. I just hate it when people think that Islam oppresses women rather than people and their interpretations of Islam. Ya know what I mean?

After we left the play we went to a coffee house down the street and hung out until it closed. The playwright, the cast, and some of the audience also came to the coffee house. I think politeness prevented us from sharing our thoughts about the play with her. After all, she was kind of celebrating with the cast. Eventually she came over to our table and asked how we heard about the play and thanked us for coming. I wanted to ask for my $15 back. (Just kidding).

Sunday I began the daunting task of going through my things and deciding what I need to give away or throw away before the big move. One would think I'd acquire less "stuff" since I move so much. Yet every time I move I find myself in this situation...When I think about it, I realized I've moved every single year since I was a freshman in college. I need to get somewhere and settle y'all. FOR REAL!

Quitting my job and other news

2007-12-05T17:07:00.000-08:00

My job:

So, I did it. I quit my job today! I have to be honest and admit that I was nervous. I punked out in the morning but by afternoon I knew I had to do something. I exhaled and then I just walked into my boss's office and asked to speak with her. I told her I was moving to another state and that I was giving her notice of my desicion to leave the organization. Since I know she (and another co-worker of mine) are going on vacation, I told her I would stay until they return. After I finished speaking with her I braced myself for her reaction. (When my former co-worker left my boss pitched a big fit, slamming doors and all.) Much to my surprise she didn't do any of that. She seemed pleasant about the whole thing. I joked that she must be happy for me to go. Hmm...who knows.

A synopsis of me:

Have you ever taken a personality test and it was absolutely accurate? I read this about myself and was stunned by the accuracy.

She can be ultra-feminine, flirtatious and charming enough to make a man feel like a giant grizzly bear who can protect her from the cold, cruel world. Or she can be icy, quiet and aloof, sitting securely on her marble pedestal and challenging you to be clever enough to win her superior hand. Whichever personality she projects, underneath her womanly wiles or her practical, sensible manner, she has the same goal-a steely determination to snag the right man, who can become important, make her proud and be a good father to her children.

In other news:

It's difficult being a hijabi in this day and age. People really have no idea what kinds of foolishness we have to endure. (Including the people who think they can walk over us). I'm proud of this sister for being proactive and for not letting her experience interfere with her desire to attend medical school. May Allah protect and guide her. Check out the story:

Religious insensitivity greets alum in med school interview - Campus News

Forgiving the most important person in your life: YOURSELF!

2007-11-29T15:18:00.000-08:00

I was reading an article in this month's Essence called "Just Between Us Girls" which features actresses Nia Long, Gabrielle Union and Sanaa Lathan. In one section of the article Nia Long talks about something that has been on my mind lately- forgiveness. She says, "One of the things I think is so important for all of us, everyone reading this too, is that you forgive yourself, you have to be kind to your spirit."

Lately, I've been on this whole self-reflection journey. I'm thinking about a lot of things; what I can change about myself, what I need to work on, which things I need accept about myself and how to really love myself without becoming self-important or conceited. I think step one in my journey is to make peace with the past and forgive myself for the mistakes I've made along the way. If Allah, Lord of the Worlds, can forgive me for my mistakes then I need to be able to forgive myself. Like a lot of Black women, I tend to be hard on myself (especially when it comes to Islam.) Now I'm learning to cut myself some slack. Alhamdulilah, I've come so far from where I used to be. I've grown so much. And I have to thank Allah for my success first and foremost but I also have to give myself some credit for following through.

1) I forgive myself for two failed relationships. Insha'allah these experiences have lead me to a better one. I've certainly learned some things about myself. I have a clearer idea about what I want from a relationship, what I don't want, my capabilities and what not to do next time. Alhamdulilah, I feel like I've finally found someone who "gets me". As far as I'm concerned, that's half the battle.

2) I forgive myself for not being where I thought I'd be Islamically. Yes, several years ago I was riding on a spiritual high. I felt like I was at a good place in my deen. Then I moved to a new city, entered a new marriage and things started to slide downwards. But there's hope for me yet. It can happen again by the grace of Allah. I just have to start from where I am now and not continue to think about where I was at then.

3) I forgive myself for not always being perfect. I don't always say the right things, do the right things or think the right things. And it's okay. Making mistakes is part of the human experience. I just need to seek Allah's forgiveness, if it's a person I've offended then I need to seek their forgiveness, learn from my mistakes and move on. The next time it happens (because it will) I need to repeat the same steps all over again.

A final thing I've come to realize is sometimes people can prevent you from forgiving yourself if you let them. Oh, people love to bring up what you did in the past or how wrong you were! All of that can start to weigh on you if you let it. Insha'allah I won't. Some people don't like change. They want you to stay the way you are (or were) so that the dynamics of your relationship can stay they way it is (or was). Insha'allah I won't let anyone keep me a prisoner of the past.

This may sound corny but here is a healing exercise I plan to do ASAP. I'm writing down every single mistake I've made on a piece of paper. (Every mistake I can think of anyway). I'll allow myself to reflect on those mistakes only for a few minutes. I'll acknowledge that each of those mistakes has helped me to grow in some way. Once I finish doing that I'm going to take the paper, tear it into tiny pieces and throw it in the garbage. Then I'm going to move on with my life, insha'allah.

Let it Go Gyal!

What's going on?

2007-11-28T17:39:00.000-08:00

Work:

So, I didn't quit last week- much to my own chagrin. Since we decided to push the wedding back until January, I have to wait a little while longer before I can do that. I'm okay with it for now but I stand by my decision to get out of the domestic violence field (at least full time). And I'm still thinking about what's on the horizon for me though. Insha'allah it'll be something rewarding. Yesterday I got a call from the county of the city I'll be moving to insha'allah. (Does that make sense?) They wanted to interview me for a position working in the court system. Unfortunately, they wanted me to come in for an interview tomorrow or Friday. Since there is no way I can hop on a flight and be in the city by tomorrow or Friday I had to turn it down. Oh the pain! But I have to let it go. There's nothing I can really do about it anyway. I can only hope that something similar or better is on the horizon.

Family:

On Thursday my cousin had Thanksgiving dinner at his house. Initially I was opposed to the idea because my mom usually does Thanksgiving (and she's a much better cook). But then my cousin wore me down when he talked about cooking halal so that I could eat (unlike the last family BBQ where I ate salad while everyone else downed chicken wings and burgers). In the end we all had a nice time. One of my cousins came by with his new baby. The crazy part is she looks just like me. If I was walking around with that little girl people would think she was mine. I guess it's kind of cool to get a glimpse into the future and see what your baby could look like! Since she took to me so well, I have gave my cousin a break and held her for most of the night. I can't believe I'm saying this but after holding my cousin's baby and looking into her little angelic face, I'm starting to feel the baby itch. As I was holding her I was thinking, I could do this. Why am I so afraid? Why am I running from this? My sister was watching my interaction with the baby and she told me that she could see me as a mom. Allah truly knows best on this one though...

On Saturday I went to hang out with my sister for most of the day. We didn't really do anything we just sat around her apartment and watched the episodes of The Boondocks that I didn't have the opportunity to see since I don't have cable. It's weird to see my sister so grown. I keep having to tell myself that she's an adult now. She lives with her boyfriend an has her own life. Yet, since we're 13 years apart I still look at her like she's a little girl. (Course I would never tell her that because she is adamant about being grown now).

After spending so much time with my family this weekend, it dawned on me that I'll really miss having them around. It's been great spending time with them and doing things together. I didn't realize how much I missed them until I moved back here. When I'm with my family I feel like I can truly be myself. It's not like being with the women from the mosque or with my co-workers. I can be the old me with a new twist and no one feels any way about it. And now I'm leaving again, insha'allah. I suppose that's what airplanes are for...but it won't be the same.

Tomorrow's the big day (insha'allah)

2007-11-19T17:21:00.000-08:00

Insha'allah, tomorrow I'm putting in my two weeks notice for my job. I can't believe I'm actually taking the step. It seems surreal. I'm nervous but also excited. There have been a lot of crazy things that have happened at my job. My boss is a real piece of work. She shows little respect for my religion, is very judgmental and gossips about her employees (with other employees.) In addition to that she shows favoritism to certain employees. There are a lot of other unethical things that take place in the office. It's unfortunate because I think the organization does some really good work. I love my job but the office environment isn't cool. Lately, I feel like I'm dragging myself to work. My heart's just not in it anymore. If I wasn't getting married and moving, insha'allah, I'd be looking for another job with every fiber of my being.

Now I need to think about what I want to do with my life. I'm a little burnt out on domestic violence work. (At least full time anyway). Today I went to court for a murder case. The defendant murdered his child's mother in order to get out of paying child support. Shot her in cold blood with his child in the back seat of the car (in a church parking lot of all places!) As I sat there (fighting back tears) while listening to the victim's family members talk about how the murder of this young woman affected their lives, I said to myself, I need a change. I'm ready to do something else. I'm definitely committed to the cases I've been working with for the past three years- sexual assault, domestic violence and child abuse cases- but I can't do it full time anymore. Maybe I can volunteer a couple of hours in the evening.

I really miss working at the university. Aside from the benefit of getting to take free classes,
I miss the energy and vitality of university life. I liked the fact that a university is kind of a middle road between working for a non-profit and working for a corporation. It's as big as a corporation but has a non-profit feel (depending on which department you work in of course.) Insha'allah we will see what is in store for me. I'm just welcoming a change...

My Top 10 Favorite CDs of all time...

2007-11-15T17:54:00.000-08:00

1)Faith Evans- Faith. I still play this CD like it was released yesterday even though it dropped in August of 1995. The entire CD reminds me of my junior year in undergrad. I used to play this CD everyday while I worked night security in my dorm. (Yes, night security). It was actually one of the best jobs I've ever had. Fave tracks: "Fallin' In Love", "Ain't Nobody", and "You Don't Understand".

2) Mary J. Blige- What's the 411? Ahhh the memories! This was the first CD I could listen to front to back, not skipping over any songs. One of the many reasons why I love Mary J. is the raw emotion and honesty which she never fails to deliver in her music. Fave tracks: "Reminisce", "You Remind Me" and "Sweet Thing."

3) Beres Hammond- Love from a Distance. This man remains the king of reggae/lover's rock for eternity. His raspy voice, poignant lyrics and creativity don't disappoint. Fave tracks: "Black Beauty", "Can't stop a man", and "Much have been said".

4) A Tribe Called Quest- The Low End Theory. A classic hip hop album and no one can debate it as far as I'm concerned. I still remember the video for "Check the Rhime". That was back when hip hop was real. Fave tracks: "Jazz (We've Got)", "Check The Rhime", and "What?"

5) Square One- In Full Bloom. The best soca band EVER. I was sad when they broke up but I'm still an Alison Hinds fan all day. When I'm in a soca mood this CD is sure to be on the list.

6) D'Angelo- Brown Sugar. Another undergrad favorite of mine. Another classic. I think this CD came out at the right time. I was in need of something creative, innovative and most importantly "fun". Secretly, I always felt "Smooth" described me perfectly. *smiles* Fave tracks: "When we get by", "Lady" and "Smooth".

7) India Arie- Voyage to India. What more can I say, this CD restored my hope in love songs and artist creativity. This is her best CD as far as I'm concerned. The healing and healthy love it promotes are refreshing. Fave tracks: "The Truth", "Interested" and "Little Things".

8)John Mayer- Heavier Things. I'm not much into light rock but I love me some John Mayer! I think he's a true artist and is very talented. You can also hear the soul influence in his music. Fave tracks: "Something's Missing", "New Deep", and "Split Screen Sadness".

9) Buju Banton- Til Shiloh. Buju is the best dancehall artist out there. He can belt love tunes but he can also provide the conscious lyrics and talk the truth. "Til Shiloh" is my favorite CD but I like everything else he put out afterwards. Years ago, during my "pre-Islam life", I went to his concert and I have to say, he puts on one helluva show. I was hoarse for three days afterwards! I'm hoping that one day he'll play outside at a university or some other venue where I can actually go. Fave tracks: "Only Man", "What ya gonna do", and "Champion".

10) Chrisette Michele- I am. Ahhhhhh! Smooth tunes, a voice that is reminiscent of old school jazz singers, and a modern neo-soul twist. That's my girl! Now here is a contemporary singer who can actually sing! I like to put on this CD and just chill with a cup of tea. Fave tracks: "Mr. Radio", "If I have my way, "Best of me", and "Let's rock".

Back on the Block

2007-11-14T18:15:00.000-08:00

Yes, I simply couldn't take it any longer. I had to create another blog where I can just talk about life. My other blogs discuss fashion and the search for marriage. But I wanted a space where I could talk about whatever is on my mind. Sometimes politics, sometimes my day-to-day stresses, sometimes social issues, sometimes religion and whatever else I'm feeling. Writing is therapeutic...

I'm currently reading the book pictured above by Amy Dubois-Barnett. So far I'm feeling very inspired. When I think about it, I've often played it safe and never took much risk in pursuing my dreams. In the back of my mind I didn't think I had the luxury to do so. As a Black woman (and a Muslimah) I always feel like I have certain responsibilities that I need to tend to first. I tell myself that I need to be practical. And if I'm honest I can admit that it's scary to make major life changes, it's scary to start over and it's scary to step into the unknown. I have started asking myself, what do you really want? What are your dreams? And what obstacles (self-imposed and otherwise) are preventing you from pursuing your dreams? Most importantly, WHAT DO I WANT?

I want:

(1) To study under a learned, balanced Islamic scholar who has an understanding of the challenges American Muslims face. He or she also has to be able to relate to a woman like me. If that is not possible then I want to take a class online or travel to weekend classes.

(2) To work for an organization that has a serious commitment to social justice and unlearning racism. Alhamdulillah, I currently volunteer as a facilitator for small group discussions through the YWCA Racial Justice Program. I really enjoy hearing how people feel about race, racism, and ethnicity. More importantly, I'm so committed to this issue and really want to do more in the way of learning and teaching other people.

(3)To have a mentor. I feel that I could benefit from the advice, direction and wisdom of an elder. I'm not sure where I will find one but I really need a older sister whom I can trust and will be there as a sincere friend and adviser.

These three things are all achievable. I'm not asking for the moon. I suppose the question is, what will I do to make these dreams a reality?